


Your Blood/Bones/Voice/Ghost

by donniedont



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Camping, Friends to Lovers, House Party, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Polyamory, Recovery, Reunions, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29191050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donniedont/pseuds/donniedont
Summary: After a turbulent childhood, Ashe has created a peaceful life for himself.  He has a nice apartment with a great roommate who is also one of his best friends, Dedue.  But when Dedue decides to take in his high school boyfriend who mysteriously disappeared five years ago, Ashe wonders if he will be pushed to his limit.  For the Ashe Big Bang.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Dedue Molinaro, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37
Collections: Ashe Big Bang





	Your Blood/Bones/Voice/Ghost

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is in many ways a loveletter to FE3H. A lot of this is vestiges of my first ever fic I tried to write for this fandom! It really took a year and a half to figure out what I actually wanted from this story and to finally see it through. It features scenes I wrote a year and a half ago and scenes I wrote last month. It feels deeply personal to share this.
> 
> Thank you so much for my partner AtomicHush for creating an amazing illustration for this fic. [You can see the cropped version here](https://twitter.com/AtomicHush/status/1357170256142286854?s=20) (and please go to her NSFW to see the full image)! Thank you so much for being an amazing collaborator and supporter of this story!
> 
> And finally, thank you so much to Ary for taking the time to lovingly edit this fic. You provided some amazing feedback that helped this fic reach its true potential. I appreciate your time, effort, and friendship so much.
> 
>  **Content Warnings:** Discussions of suicidality, disordered eating, self-harm and self-harm scars, implied past underage sex

It was looking like a relaxing afternoon for Ashe. He had the day off and was planning on watching a Youtube video backlog as his roommate, Dedue, appeared content setting up his planner for the week ahead. 

Ashe liked their living arrangement. They were good friends and compatible roommates, the two of them agreeing on the minutiae of maintaining a household such as who took out the garbage and how to notify each other about guests with relative ease. 

It was a quiet life and it was certainly far quieter than the arrangements Ashe had to deal with growing up. If he went as far back as when his parents were alive, he remembered sitting in their restaurant surrounded by ambient noise. When they died it felt like he could never find peace, especially when he was raising his younger siblings. By the time he was adopted, he wanted the chaos of being a teenager, finding himself at basement shows with his new brother.

Now that he was older, all he really wanted was this. He paused a video about resin casting, looking up and smiling as Dedue switched colors from orange to light blue in his notebook. Ashe told himself that he would ask if Dedue had any ideas about lunch plans once he finished up using this color. 

Ashe worried that he was a bit too obvious, because Dedue looked up at him. Thankfully they exchanged smiles before Dedue continued to work on his planner and Ashe resumed watching his video.

Dedue’s phone vibrated with enough force that it began to slide off the coffee table. Ashe jumped as Dedue hissed, checking the number before he brought his phone to his ear. He confirmed who he was with the person on the phone and he pressed his lips together.

Ashe closed his laptop. “Hey, Dedue, is everything all right…” Ashe started.

“I need to take this call,” Dedue snapped. Ashe blinked several times as Dedue hastily said, “I’m sorry” before he got up. His steps were brisk against the hardwood, going toward the kitchen and sliding the door open. He walked onto the porch, closing the door and facing away from the glass. 

Ashe put his laptop on the coffee table, curling up against the arm of the chair. He took a deep breath, wondering if he could guess what could have possibly gotten under Dedue’s skin like this. 

While Ashe could hardly consider himself an expert of someone he was only friends with for a few years, he wanted to believe he understood the basics. When they met Ashe thought he was just stoic. His face was unreadable at times, to a point that Ashe worried if he bored him the first few times they met at crafting events or bumped into each other at the farmer’s market. But Ashe eventually determined that Dedue was deliberate. Once he was certain he was comfortable, he would crack smiles or leaned in to make sarcastic remarks. It wasn't like him to crack any further than that. 

Ashe untangled his limbs, getting up and positioning himself to look out toward the porch. Dedue reached out for the railing and gripped it tightly as his shoulders rose toward his ears. Ashe looked away. The only time he could remember seeing Dedue looking close to this distressed was when he got a call from his little sister when she got too drunk at a party. Even then, it felt far more controlled. Ashe and he picked her up and made her sober up. She was safe and once Dedue had the confirmation, all was well. 

Ashe shook his head, wondering what he could possibly do to focus his attention elsewhere. He decided that the coffee table was too dirty. He grabbed his own cup of water, forcing himself to finish it off before he brought it to the sink. He unloaded the dishwasher and began to wash off some new plates until he heard the sliding door open. Ashe slowly turned his head.

Dedue appeared sullen, his phone in his hand and his eyes focused ahead. Ashe yanked the yellow gloves off his hands before he approached him, keeping his hands hovering near Dedue’s arms, but never quite touching him.

“Is your family all right?” Ashe asked.

Dedue turned to him, his green eyes looking over Ashe’s head. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.

“Dedue, I’m here for you, just tell me…” Ashe started, cutting himself off. Dedue didn’t appear particularly comforted by his words and it should have made sense. He rarely found comfort in words when he was overwhelmed, himself.

Ashe clenched his fits, opening them up again, but never touching Dedue. He took a deep breath, attempting to embrace the silence between the two of them. Dedue didn’t close the sliding door all the way. There was a gentle breeze that was pushing against the trees near their deck. The couple that lived upstairs softly padded against the floorboards. 

“This isn’t about my family,” Dedue finally said. He cleared his throat, bringing his hand to the bridge of his nose. “I mean… they’re fine. It’s just… someone I thought I would never see again asked for me.”

“Who?” Ashe asked. He looked down at their feet. “I mean, if I can ask. I understand if you’re still working through this.”

Dedue finally lowered his head, seemingly focused on their socks, as well. “My high school boyfriend. If you remember that story.”

Ashe nodded. 

He didn’t know too much about this boyfriend other than he was with Dedue and the moment they graduated, he disappeared without any explanation

Dedue had a photo of the guy in his room. It was clearly from early high school, Dedue and him with hair long and in their faces as they attempted to fit on a chair together. It was probably the widest smile Ashe ever saw on Dedue’s face.

“It sounds like he needs a place to stay,” Dedue said.

“What did you say?” Ashe asked.

Ashe glanced up and saw the confusion screwing up in Dedue’s face. Dedue eventually said, “I said that I needed to talk to you. But… Ashe, if I don’t take him in, I do not know if I will ever forgive myself.”

A rock formed in Ashe’s stomach. He should have known this was the next logical step. Dedue’s kindness was simultaneously a major strength and weakness. It was hard to earn it from him, but it was never taken away after that point, even if Ashe felt maybe it should have under circumstances like this.

It also didn’t help that Ashe didn’t want someone else in this space. It was a selfish want and he knew it. They had everything set up exactly how they wanted, each plant discussed and furniture piece mulled about. Adding another person, even if they needed it, was an unknown that would throw off this pattern that Ashe was only beginning to allow himself to embrace.

But he knew that he couldn’t get in the way of this. It was better to be inconvenienced than risk coming off like a roadblock in whatever path Dedue was about to embark on.

“He can’t stay here forever,” Ashe said, asserting that boundary. 

“He won’t,” Dedue replied, “I will make sure of that.”

It was as good as it was going to get.

“So,” Ashe said, looking up to give him the slightest smile. “When should we expect him?”

*

Dedue felt guilty that he was embarrassed by Ashe’s car. He lent it to him and didn’t even ask for a full tank of gas in return. Even, then, he still found himself wishing that he could offer a car with a working heater.

Though if Dedue was being honest with himself, he didn’t think that Dimitri really had high enough standards to care. His back ached from cleaning out Dimitri’s apartment. Dimitri dismissed most of the item as trash, ranging from a crushed box that functioned as a coffee table to the endless wrappers of various protein bars that might have been what Dimitri was subsisting on for a few months. They ended up with several garbage bags, but most of the contents were mismatched sets of sweatshirts and sweatpants, a stained white binder, and a laptop with a frayed charger that Dimitri didn’t even know whether it worked or not.

Even then, Dedue found himself apologizing as he started the car and pressed the heating button and nothing but cold air came out.

Dimitri didn’t make any effort to complain about it. In truth, Dimitri hadn’t said much of anything. Dedue did most of the talking helping Dimitri clean out his apartment. They technically had two weeks until the end of the month, but Dedue didn’t have much interest in driving three hours out to finish it up. At this moment, Dimitri was facing the window. Dedue turned away from the dashboard long enough to catch his reflection in the window, noticing that his eye was open, watching trees rush past the car.

Dedue turned toward the road again, taking a deep breath. He thought that he had handled discovering that this present Dimitri had to wear an eyepatch with a reasonable amount of grace. It was a shock, as much as Dedue wanted to deny it. He wanted to know what happened, but he was able to swallow it down, along with all the other questions he wanted to ask. 

He knew that he wasn’t entitled to knowing what had happened in the five years since Dimitri left. It was something that he accepted years back. Even then, he had practiced saying goodbye so many times, he was unable to decipher how he was supposed to welcome a very much alive version of Dimitri back.

“Let me know if you need us to pull over,” Dedue said. His mouth felt too tight as it tried to form the words. Dimitri turned his head. His hoodie was perched far enough back that his eye patch was visible. Even in the corner of his eye, Dimitri’s face appeared vacant. 

“I mean it,” Dedue said, “Even if you just need a break.” Dimitri tilted his head. “Oh, and my apologies for it being so cold in here. I think Ashe has a blanket in the trunk if you want me to get it.”

“I’m fine,” Dimitri said. There was an agonizingly long beat before he added a quiet, “Thank you.”

His voice sounded like there was rust on it. Dedue waited for Dimitri to say something else, but it didn’t happen. He turned around, facing the window again and was apparently done with the conversation.

They were halfway through the drive before Dedue decided that they should pull over. They ended up at a roadside stop, wandering the food court twice before Dedue chose one of the places at random. He turned toward Dimitri and said, “I’ll pay, I just want you to eat something.”

Dimitri slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out a wallet. “Let me,” he said. He walked toward the counter and had to repeat himself, but he was able to make an order for fries. Dimitri stared at Dedue expectantly, Dedue realizing that he wanted to pay for him, as well. Dedue frowned, but still made the order, deciding that this might have been seen as some sort of progress. He didn’t want to ruin it, even if it went against his usual manners.

They brought the food to the car, allowing some kind of noise to occupy the drive. Dimitri was inelegant, slathering ketchup on his fries before shoveling handfuls of them in his mouth. It was drastically different from the dainty way he would eat one individually when they were younger.

Dedue kept the observation to himself. He still had little explanation for what had happened to Dimitri the past five years. He tried to recall the phone call he had with Dimitri earlier that day, but his mind was struggling so hard to process that Dimitri was talking to him, that he didn’t retain much. All he really knew was that Dimitri was considered a hazard to himself and he needed to stay with someone until he got back on his feet. He wanted it to be all he needed, even with the nagging curiosity.

Dedue pressed his lips together, deciding that he needed some way to get his mind to stop wandering. He decided that the best thing he could do was turn on the radio, catching some kind of college station. Dedue decided that it was sufficient enough, lowering the volume in case Dimitri suddenly wanted to speak. It took until they were about a half hour out before Dedue decided he had to attempt some form of a conversation.

“Uh, so I know I mentioned it somewhat fast last time, but I do have a roommate.”

“Oh,” Dimitri said, “A friend, or…”

“Huh?” Dedue asked. He scrunched his nose and shook his head, even if Dimitri couldn’t see. Under most circumstances, he wouldn’t have minded the assumption. He liked Ashe a lot and while he was rarely someone confident enough to initiate relationships, he would certainly consider it if Ashe said anything. “Not… not romantically. A friend of mine. Ashe. The person who let me borrow this car. He’s very kind. I think you’ll like him.” 

“Hm,” Dimitri replied, “Okay.”

“We should also talk about sleeping arrangements. There’s an inflatable mattress, if you would like. We could set it up in the living room or my room. If that sounds too uncomfortable, you can take my bed and I can take the couch.”

“You can’t sleep on the couch,” Dimitri said.

“I can if you need privacy.”

Dimitri shook his head, still refusing to face him. “I can take the inflatable mattress.” He cleared his throat, adding, “In your room, if possible.”

“Then that’s what we’ll do,” Dedue replied.

Dimitri turned toward him. Dedue could feel Dimitri’s eye on him, even though he resisted taking a look to confirm. It was bad enough that a part of his chest began to ache when he remembered that there was a time in their lives that they would not have to discuss this. They would have shared a bed together and it would have been the safest either of them felt all day. But that was long ago.

Dedue turned onto his street, parking at the curb and opening the door. He tried to grab some of Dimitri’s bags, but Dimitri flicked his hand at him. Dedue stood up, raising his hands and waiting for Dimitri to grab as many of them as he could before following Dedue toward the front door. Dedue unlocked it, the two of them entering the foyer and standing there, Dedue trying to fit around the massive bags in Dimitri’s arms. Dedue listened for any noise coming out of his apartment, the place unnaturally silent as he unlocked the door and was greeted to the image of Ashe sitting on their couch. He had the book open, though it was debatable if he made any progress.

Ashe sprang up and walked over, stopping short when he got several steps away from the two of them. His hand hovered near Dimitri, as if he was trying to introduce himself to a dog. suggestion mode test test...

“Hi, Dimitri,” he said, “It’s an honor to meet you.”

Dimitri eyed Ashe suspiciously for an agonizingly long time. “Hello,” he finally said.

Ashe opened his mouth to say something else, but Dimitri walked away. He approached the collection of plants near the window, putting a bag down to brush his fingertips along a collection of leaves. “You still garden,” he murmured.

Dedue turned toward Ashe. They stared at each other before Dedue said, “Yes. Ashe and I do it together, actually. We have a set up outside that we need to fix up. Hopefully it’ll be warm enough next week.” He cautiously approached the side Dimitri could still see out of. “I’ll show you around,” he offered, “Let’s put your things in my room.” Dedue nodded his head, walking away from the plants once Dedue began to.

Dedue essentially had a conversation with himself as he explained that he cleared a drawer and a shelf out for Dimitri, encouraging him to furnish it how he wished. He knew that he was not supposed to set anything up to suggest that Dimitri could stay here for an extended period of time, but he couldn’t help it. Even if he didn’t entirely know what Dimitri was dealing with, he could hardly hold a conversation, let alone take care of himself. He hoped that Ashe would feel similar. 

Dedue pushed his sleeves up. He loved his room, especially the large windows, even if it meant that the room warmed up far quicker than most of the house. He let the sunlight be the focal point, keeping the walls white and lined with drying herbs, several books, and photos from an instant camera Ashe gifted him for his birthday last year. The photos ranged from washed out shots of Ashe and his plants and photos from various get togethers. Dimitri slowly walked past ones that featured Dedue towering over his friend Annette and Ashe drunkenly staring at the camera with a crooked pair of cat ears on his head. 

Dimitri stopped at one of the shelves and Dedue felt his shoulders raise. He felt a command lodged in his throat as Dimitri took one of the photo frames and brought it closer to himself.

“Why this photo?” Dimitri asked. He tilted it toward Dedue. Dedue quickly looked down at their feet.

“It’s a good memory of us,” Dedue mumbled.

Dimitri continued to stare at the movie, tilting the frame at various angles. He hummed to himself before he placed it back on the shelf.

Dedue stared at the photo again. It was from the first summer after Dedue moved into the area. He could still remember the smell of a mutual friend’s half finished basement and how stiff the chair was against his back.

He didn’t mention the other photos that he considered putting up. They were tucked away in a ox in his closet, surrounded by other mementos relating to Dimitri. The other pictures were too posed and too calculated, at least on Dimitri’s end. He always had a smile that was too tight or scrunched up like he should hide himself. It wasn’t how Dedue wanted to remember him. 

Before he had to explain himself further, Dimitri turned around, his eyes running down toward Dedue’s exposed arms. “You have tattoos,” he noted.

Dedue turned his inked wrist around. “Oh, yeah,” he said, “I have a few.” He rolled his wrist, watching the way that the ink stretched across his skin. “I’ve been working on a botanical sleeve.”

Dimitri watched his arm, transfixed on it. Dedue let him stare for an uncomfortably long time, eventually bringing it behind his back before he said, “Oh, let me show you around the rest of the house.” He tried to ignore how Dimitri turned back to stare at the photo one more time before he continued to show him around.

The tour was brief, the only rooms not yet shown being the bathroom and kitchen. Dimitri walked toward the sliding door, staring out the window.

Dedue was about to ask him if he wanted to go outside until he heard a plate drop into the sink. He turned around and saw Ashe as the source of it. Dimitri turned around, his eye wide.

“Oh!” Ashe exclaimed, “I’m _so_ sorry… I just… wanted to clean up…”

Dedue pressed his lips together, resisting the impulse to snap at him. He noticed that Ashe had been tidying up a lot lately. He could hardly put a glass down without it potentially getting swiped and placed into the sink. It was something he knew that if he had the capacity to do, he would ask about. Unfortunately, he was too focused on the situation in front of him to do so.

“I’m going to sit outside,” Dimitri said.

“Oh,” Dedue said, “Would you like to be alone?”

“Yes,” Dimitri said. Dedue felt his chest tighten at the sentiment, even if he wanted to be understanding. “I will stay by the window.” He didn’t wait for Dedue to respond, unlocking the door and sliding it open before he walked outside and closed it behind him.

Dedue looked away, focusing his attention on Ashe, who still hovered by the sink. They watched each other, even while Ashe was wiping his hands with a towel and returning to the living room. Dedue sat down toward the edge of the room, angled that he could look out the window if he needed to. Ashe returned to his book, once again opening it up, but never quite looking down at the page.

“How are you feeling?” Ashe asked.

This time, Dedue couldn’t help but snort. He didn’t know everything about Ashe, but he certainly knew the highlights. He hated having expectations, but he would have assumed that someone who had gone through turbulence going from unstable living situations would know that it was a stupid question. 

But how did he feel? In truth, he wasn’t sure. It felt like so many of his thoughts were muddled. He was so caught up in the moment, he didn’t really give himself much time to process any of it. All he could think about how whenever he looked up, he saw someone sitting on the floor of his deck with an unknown future ahead of him and it made Dedue ache.

“I hate seeing that he hasn’t been cared for in years,” Dedue finally said.

Ashe closed his book. “I understand,” he said, “But that’s not what I’m asking.”

Dimitri flopped across the deck, as if he was an overgrown feral cat. Dedue turned toward Ashe again and said, “I feel like I failed him. I know he’s the one who left, but I can’t help but wonder if there was something I missed.”

“You can’t think like that,” Ashe said, “You do understand that, right? Even if there was something going on, you were, what? Eighteen? A kid. You weren’t supposed to fix him. And you aren’t supposed to now.” Ashe looked away, bringing his hand to his mouth to nibble on.

Dedue knew that he was right. He could admit that he was someone who got caught up in fixing situations. He wanted to smooth things over and find a way to solve every issue, even if it was well beyond his skill set. He was notorious for feeling haunted by his past deeds, even if he knew that he did all he could.

Ashe’s eyebrows furrowed. Dedue’s lack of answer was apparently not acceptable. Ashe finally asked, “He’s… he’s getting help, right?”

“I think so,” Dedue replied. He got up from his chair and walked toward the dry erase calendar they had set up in the hall. He got out his phone, fumbling through his email. “Dimitri said he’d forward me a schedule of some kind…” He was shocked to see that Dimitri had enough clarity to forward appointment confirmations. Dedue wasn’t certain how he got a hold of them so quickly, but he didn’t question them.

“I’m going to add them,” he explained to Ashe, “Can I have his color be blue?” 

“I mean, it’s not green or purple, so that’s fine,” Ashe replied. He joined Dedue in the hall, leaning against the wall. “So what’s the plan, exactly?”

“Uh, I’m not sure how much I can say,” Dedue admitted. He was never someone who wanted to scream from the top of his lungs, but he couldn’t help but feel like it was tempting in a scenario like this. He filled in the appointments, three evenings devoted to some form of therapy.

“You’re not planning on taking him to all these appointments, are you?” Ashe asked.

“No,” Dedue replied, capping his marker and putting it aside. It looked like everything was still in the intake phase and he wasn’t certain what his formal schedule was going to look like. “At least, not forever. I need to make sure he doesn’t run off first.” He faced Ashe, pressing his lips together for a moment before he added, “I’m taking a few days off of work before I know he’s situated.” 

Ashe didn’t to react, bringing his face toward the calendar. He brought his finger along the week ahead, his finger accidentally erasing a reminder of when it was his turn to do the dishes. “You’re not planning on bringing him everywhere, are you?” he repeated. 

Dedue stared at him. Of course he was going to do it. It didn’t look like Dimitri was in any condition to do it himself.

Ashe sighed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. That sounds cruel. I’m just worried about you.”

Dedue pressed his lips together. It wasn’t uncommon for Ashe to fret like this about him. It wasn’t that Dedue got himself into situations like this often so much as Ashe felt the need to look out for him, even if it was mundane. He assumed it had something to do with Ashe’s past and how he had to take care of his younger siblings far too young. It was hard to turn off being an older sibling. Dedue tried his best to be sympathetic as another older sibling, but it seemed to have a hold on Ashe that was a much tighter grip.

“I’m not planning on doing it forever,” Dedue replied.

Ashe sighed, grabbing a marker and fixing the word that he erased.

*

Dimitri wasn’t sure if he could call closing his eye for an extended period of time as sleep, but when he opened it, he felt about as disoriented.

Mostly, he couldn’t quite tell where he was. White walls were not typically familiar, but the warmth of the sun across his neck and the glare from photographs were certainly not experiences that he was used to when he was in rooms like that.

He tilted his head toward the bed on the opposite end of the room. Dedue appeared to still be asleep, his comforter tucked under his chin. 

Dimitri couldn’t believe that this Dedue was real. His mind was skilled at creating its own reality, so much so that he couldn’t help but wonder if Dedue was going to ask him to leave. He couldn’t recall a time that he actually said it, but he spent so much of his last year of high school convinced it would happen, it didn’t particularly matter. He did a favor for Dedue when he left him for as long as he could.

Dedue’s phone alarm began to play gentle scales,. his hand fumbled for it before his eyes opened. It was enough to cut Dimitri off from his thoughts, burrowing further under the blankets Dedue gave him the night before. 

Dedue still wasn’t the type to hit the snooze button. He heard him shuffle upright and walk past his temporary bed.

“I’m going to guess you’re up?” he asked.

Dimitri tugged his blanket down low enough to glare at him. “How did you know?” he asked.

“You’ve never quite nailed the art of fake sleeping.” There was a long pause. “I’m going to assume you didn’t get much sleep?”

Dimitri refused to respond, staring at Dedue and hoping it would make Dedue leave him alone. “Thank you for trying.” Dedue eventually sighed. “I’m going to get ready. Feel free to stay in bed for a bit.”

Dimitri didn’t take his advice, sitting up and rubbing his face. His hair was greasy, but the thought of figuring out how to use the shower felt like a potential way for him to break something and get kicked out.

He wasn’t certain if there were rules he was supposed to play by. Dedue hadn’t given him any instructions and it made it almost too scary in how vast it was. He hoped that he could work up the courage to ask for the specifics. He knew that there was no way that an ex-boyfriend from five years ago would just take him in out of the goodness of his heart. 

Dimitri dragged himself off the inflatable mattress. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, bonking the door open with his shoulder before he walked outside. 

Ashe was sitting in a quaint breakfast nook, eating cereal. He smiled at Dimitri and greeted him, but all Dimitri could bring himself to do was wave back. 

“Would you like breakfast?” Ashe asked. His tone was light and rolling. Far too welcoming for Dimitri to be convinced that he meant it. 

All Dimitri could do was shake his head and retreat toward the living room, sitting on the couch and balling himself up. He listened for the bathroom door to open, Dedue being briefly visible before he disappeared into the kitchen. 

“Are you still seeing your clients today?” Ashe asked him.

“Of course,” Dedue replied. “It’ll be nice walking around. I can show Dimitri the neighborhood.”

Dimitri craned his neck, refusing to get up and join the conversation. It didn’t sound like he was going to have much input in it, anyway.

“Well, let me know how it goes,” Ashe said.

“Will do.” Dedue shuffled into the living room, stepping out of the room and leaning against the door frame. Dimitri wasn’t certain if Dedue got taller or if he just stood more confidently. It seemed like the room was not big enough for him, but Dedue appeared relatively unbothered by it. 

Dedue’s eyes appeared locked on Dimitri’s face. Dimitri raised his hand to adjust his eye patch, realizing that he wasn’t wearing it. He yanked his hoodie over his face, hopeful that he blocked out his damaged eye socket. 

“I have to stop by some of my client’s houses to tend to their plants,” Dedue explained.

Dimitri pressed his lips together. “What… does that mean?” he asked.

“It’s mostly just elderly people in the neighborhood pay me to take care of their plants,” Dedue explained, “I enjoy it. I figure I can give you a tour of the neighborhood in the process.”

Dimitri nodded. He knew he had no choice. He switched into a different pair of sweats and folowed Dedue outside. He kept several steps behind Dedue, following his lead to wherever these houses were located.

It was mid-March and Dimitri found himself waiting for a chill that never came. It was the first sign that winter could potentially end and spring would arrive, even if it wouldn't? be for a few weeks. Dimitri tugged at the pull strings of his hoodie, nearly crashing into Dedue when he stopped in front of one of the houses.

Dimitri stammered an apology, but waved his hand, muttering that it was fine. He took his keys out of his pocket and flipped through several copies.

“Should I go inside?” Dimitri asked.

“I let them know you were coming,” Dedue replied. He walked up the steps toward the door, Dimitri continuing to walk several steps behind. The house was cozy. There were tiled photo frames of what appeared to be generations of a family, black and white photos transitioning into gently washed out color ones.

Dedue wordlessly lowered his bag in front of a collection of plants by one of the windows. He took out a small pair of gardening shears and kneeled close, running his hand along each plant and muttering as he began to gently clip at them. Dimitri stayed still, watching him from what he hoped was a safe enough distance.

Gardening was never a shared interest between the two of them. In his defense, it wasn’t an activity that anyone in his family had any interest in, whereas Dedue’s family was always very much obsessed with it. He remembered walking through Dedue’s family garden, fascinated by the dangling cucumbers and bright red tomatoes. According to Dedue, everyone had a role in maintaining it, their roles laid out on a dry erase board in the kitchen. Dimitri envied them, but he tended to envy anybody whose family situation featured people that were actually alive.

Dimitri assumed that he wouldn’t be a great fit for it, anyway. He wasn’t particularly good at fragile tasks, preferring athletics or listening to music as opposed to Dedue’s interests of gardening and needlework. He did have flashes of envy as Dedue showed off his handiwork, even now as Dedue turned toward him and asked, “Do you want to see what I’m doing?”

Dimitri tilted his head.

“You don’t have to do anything. I just want to show you,” Dedue said. He waved his hand. “Come over here.”

Dimitri raised his eyebrows. For everything about Dedue that appeared to be relatively the same, there were certainly little differences. Mostly it was that he was so much more forward than he used to be. He still walked over, kneeling down next to Dedue.

“Was that too forward?” Dedue asked.

“No,” Dimitri said, shaking his head, “No… it’s… it’s nice to see that you’re more like that. I just feel like you’ve been able to change and I’ve just stayed the same.” 

Dedue put his shears down, taking a deep breath. “May I respond to that?” he asked.

Dimitri shrugged. “Of course,” he mumbled.

“While I understand that I can’t speak to whatever you went through the past five years, I think that the fact you were able to reach out to me can count as progress.”

Dimitri brought his hand to his mouth, finding a dry flake of his lip and tugging on it. He tried to come up with a response, but nothing came.

Dedue picked up his shears and brought them to a plant. He angled it in a way that Dimitri could see what he was doing. “I’m looking for the brown leaves and snipping them off, like this.” He took a leaf, placing it in his palm. Dimitri nodded. Dedue then took his shears and snipped it. He continued to clip back the leaves, stopping at a sizable one before he asked, “Do you want to try to clip this one?”

Dimitri shook his head. “I’m fine just watching.”

Dedue continued to work. “Understood. Let me know if that changes.”

Nothing does, Dimitri choosing to follow him like a shadow as he continues the task. Eventually he helped him move clippings into a garbage bag, Dedue making sure the house was pristine before they walked outside, tossing the clippings in the garbage.

“We have two more houses,” Dedue explained. 

Dimitri nodded, realizing Dedue probably didn’t see him. “Okay,” he finally replied. “This is… fun for you?”

Dedue nodded. “It is,” he said, “I’m happy that this is my life.”

Dimitri nearly stumbled. Suddenly he worried that he was well on his way to ruining it.

*

Ashe watched Dedue choose between two canvas bags. He gestured at the one from Dedue’s sister’s college, Dedue thanking him before he put the other one back on the rack. Dedue walked across the room, filling it with crafting supplies he had piled up on the coffee table.

Ashe reminded himself to smile when Dedue looked up at him.

He knew he was doing the right thing. Dedue was notorious for taking care of everyone before himself. The circumstances were unfortunately perfect for him to forget himself. Ashe needed to intervene now.

“He’ll need to get there a few minutes early,” Dedue pointed out, “Paperwork and all that.”

“I know,” Ashe replied. He reached over and untwisted the straps on Dedue’s shoulder “And _you_ are going to be late to craft night if you keep this up.”

Dedue sighed. “I’m going to say goodbye to him and head out,” he said. He slipped out of Ashe’s grasp and walked toward th bedroom.

Ashe brought his hands to his face, rubbing at it . He froze in place, listening to the low whispers coming from the other room. Dedue’s voice raised slightly, but not enough to make it out. Dedue returned moments later, his straps wrapped around his fingers.

“Please give me updates,” Dedue requested.

“Sure, of course,” Ashe replied.

Dedue stared at him for a brief moment. Ashe felt the impulse to ask him if he needed help. If he could give him some sort of sign that this was all too much for him. But he couldn’t bring himself to become so bold in that moment. Dedue walked toward the door and left.

Ashe sighed, facing the open bedroom door again. He gave himself two minutes before he took a deep breath and approached it. 

He knew better than to consider himself naive about most things. He could acknowledge that he experienced a variety of difficult things. 

But he prided himself on how tidy he could be in spite of it. The last thing he wanted to do was to be labeled as difficult. Nothing good could come of that and he knew it.

He heard Dimitri roll over on his inflatable mattress. Ashe leaned next to the doorframe, lowering his head and breathing sharply through his nose. He knew that not everybody handled situations like he did. Even then, there was something unnerving about how Dimitri was able to allow people to see how broken down he was. 

Maybe Dimitri knew he would always have a safety net. He knew that someone would catch him when he desperately needed it. Dimitri didn’t understand what it meant to finally create a quiet life for himself after struggling so long to find it.

Ashe pushed himself off the wall and knocked on the doorframe. He didn’t wait for Dimitri to receive him, stepping inside and saying, “Hey, we need to start getting ready.”

Dimitri was unmoving. His blanket was over his head, his nose sticking out slightly from it.

“Hi,” Ashe said, “We have to get going. Are you dressed?”

Dimitri’s form shifted. The blanket fell over his face.

“Come on, Dimitri,” Ashe said softly. “I was thinking we can walk to the office. It might be nice to go outside.”

“It’s cold,” Dimitri said flatly.

“It’s not too bad,” Ashe replied, keeping his voice light. “Sometimes a little cold air is exactly what you need.”

Dimitri didn’t even move hearing that. Ashe checked his phone and frowned. They were running out of time. 

“Dimitri,” Ashe said, his voice firmer. “I need you to get moving.”

“I can’t,” Dimitri replied. His voice was swallowed up by the fabric.

Ashe’s brow furrowed. “You totally can,” he said, “Don’t give me that.”

“Then I won’t. Leave me alone.”

“Absolutely not,” Ashe snapped. Dimitri’s hand stuck out under the blanket and gripped the edge of the bed. Ashe felt his chest ache, but he kept going. “You made a promise to Dedue and to me that you would seek treatment. So get moving.”

Dimitri’s hand gripped tighter. He eventually let go, tossing the blanket off of himself before he slowly sat up. 

“I’m ready,” Dimitri said. He brought his hand to his eyepatch and shifted it slightly.

“Do you want to brush your hair or anything…” Ashe started.

“No,” Dimitri said flatly.

Ashe sighed, watching as Dimitri put his hands into the pockets of his worn out sweatpants. “Okay,” he murmured, “Okay… let’s. Let’s go.” He slowly backed out of the room, relieved that Dimitri followed behind him.

The two of them put jackets on before they walked outside. Ashe shoved his hands in his pockets, wishing he remembered to grab a pair of gloves, but knowing they were already running far too late. He led Dimitri’s through the quiet streets, checking any signage and stopping in front of one with a white porch with a purple sign declaring it a family center.

Ashe rushed up the stairs, turning around to make sure that Dimitri was following behind. Ashe breathed against his fingers before he said, “I’ll wait for you out here.”

“You’re cold,” Dimitri said.

“I’ll make it work,” Ashe replied. 

“Intake takes a long time.”

Ashe took a deep breath. That answer definitely came from experience. “Then I’ll sit inside. Only if you’re comfortable with it.”

Dimitri walked toward the door, opening it and staring Ashe down until Ashe walked through it. The interior of the building felt too small. A narrow staircase was in front of them with signage that said they should not go upstairs unless they were accompanied by a therapist. The waiting area had a bookshelf installed into it that probably made more sense when it was just a living room. 

They sat down together, the two of them quiet. Ashe’s fingers stung as they began to warm up. He flexed them several times before he checked his phone and saw that Dedue had already sent him a text.

A person with bright blue hair appeared in the doorway. Ashe nearly jumped, realizing that he hadn’t even heard anyone come down the stairs. They requested Dimitri to follow them and Ashe held his breath, only letting it go when Dimitri got up and followed the person up the stairs. 

Ashe’s phone vibrated. He sighed loudly as he picked up the phone, answering it. “Aren’t you supposed to be having fun?” he asked.

“I am trying to,” Dedue said. There was music playing faintly in the background.

“He just went in,” Ashe told him. “It was… a bit of a slog getting him here, but he made it. On time, no less.”

“Thank goodness,” Dedue murmured. “How are you?”

Ashe bit the inside of his lip. “Uh…” he started. He anxiously searched for some word to be able to give that was the closest to the truth without worrying him. “...I’m. I’m okay. Hey, you should be focused on your night. I’ll call you if I need anything. Got it?”

“Understood,” Dedue replied, “Thank you for this, Ashe.”

“Of course,” Ashe said. He winced, wishing he could deny the way that his heart fluttered. “Have a fun night, Dedue.”

Ashe hung up first, slipping his phone back into his pocket. He covered his face, grateful that no one else was in the room. He eventually leaned back, lowering his hand and staring at each individual book on the shelf. He read each spine, only pausing his activity to answer the occasional text message or social media response. He eventually grabbed one about the emotional mind, whatever that meant, and he flipped through it. None of the words stuck, but the feeling of turning the page was more than enough.

Eventually, the stairs began to creak, Dimitri returning to the entrance of the waiting room. His hand gripped on the doorframe, but he did not say anything.

“Ready to go?” Ashe asked. He put the book away, knowing that he shouldn’t expect any response.

Dimitri shifted to the side, waiting for Ashe to lead him out of the house. Ashe gritted his teeth as the cold hit him again. He slipped his hands in his pockets, checked to make sure that Dimitri was behind him, and began walking.

“Let’s eat when we get back,” Ashe said, mostly for himself.

“Okay,” Dimitri said.

Ashe turned around, unable to conceal his shock. “Oh,” Ashe said, “Well, great.”

The two of them make it back to the apartment. Dimitri didn’t provide any indicator as to what he wanted to eat, Ashe trying to remember what worked when his siblings had difficulties with eating. He decided upon buttered noodles, Dimitri sitting at the kitchen table and quietly watching him. Ashe decided that he didn’t mind, the lack of complaints or input being strangely refreshing from his siblings or worse, Dedue sometimes.

He passed the bowl toward Dimitri and heated up an eggplant bake he made a few days ago, eventually sitting across from Dimitri. He realized that Dimitri had been waiting for him, poking at the food several times before actually taking a bite.

Ashe began eating his own, realizing that he was far hungrier than he thought he was. 

“I’m… I’m sorry.”

Ashe looked up, his fork still in his mouth. Dimitri was looking right at him, his hands tangled together.

“Oh, what for?” Ashe asked, trying to keep his tone light.

“I was… very difficult tonight,” Dimitri replied. “I’m sorry. It was my fault.”

Now Ashe definitely regretted raising his voice. “Oh, it’s… I know it was not an easy task,” he said quietly. He tapped his fork along the edge of his plate and took a deep breath. “I mean, while we are apologizing… I wanted to say I’m sorry for raising my voice at you.”

Dimitri pressed his lips together. “Oh,” he said quietly, “I mean… I understand.” 

Ashe smiled, unable to conceal his pleasant surprise. For the first time all day he felt like it was a sign that maybe something good could come from all of this.

*

Dedue woke up ahead of his work alarm, getting up and resisting the urge to shut off the snooze button. As much as taking time off helped the past few days, he knew that he had to get back to work. He craned his neck toward Dimitri’s bed, frowning when he realized that it appeared open. Blankets clustered in one corner, but there was no sign of him.

Dedue slid out of bed, trying to keep his face as relaxed as he could before he slipped out of his room, approaching the living room.

He swallowed a gasp as he saw Dimitri sitting on the couch. He was curled up against one corner, juggling a book in his lap. Hewas focused on the page in front of him.

“Dimitri, do you want cereal or anything?” Ashe asked. Dedue located him in the kitchen, just finishing up preparing his own bowl.

“Uh, no,” Dimitri replied, “I’ll… I’ll try to eat something later.”

“I don’t want you to forget,” Ashe said. 

Dedue put his hands on his hips, taking a deep breath. “How about we do this. Dimitri, can you send me an update every few hours?”

Dimitri looked up from his book, tilting his head. “What should I say?” he asked.

“Just if you’ve eaten or what you’re reading… anything like that,” Dedue said.

“That seems a bit…” Ashe started.

“I’ll do it,” Dimitri said. “I swear to you.”

“Thank you so much,” Dedue said. He smiled weakly before he turned to the kitchen, getting his breakfast prepared.

With the plan in place he found himself better prepared for work. By the time he said his goodbyes to Ashe and Dimitri he was excited. 

It helped that he liked his job. It was a lab that was in the industry area . It was a bit of a walk, but far from an unpleasant one. His job was maintaining and researching aquarium plants, the bulk of them being sold at a nearby shop. He had no idea how passionate people were about the subject until he started there, but he enjoyed being surrounded by such intensity.

It probably helped that the staff he worked with was kind. His coworkers were welcoming and he made sure to thank everyone who looked after his plants. When they asked him how his family was doing, he had to remember that not only did he say that he had a family emergency, he had to anchor the fib in some way. He landed on saying that his mom was sick, but she was on the mend. Nobody pried further about it.

He sat at his desk area, combing through his notes from before he left. He heard his phone vibrate and he tried to subtly grab it. When he saw that there was a message from Dimitri, he raised it higher. He unlocked his phone and was greeted to a blurry photo featuring Dimitri’s finger pointing at a number on a page.

Dedue searched for any text accompanying it, realizing that he was going to have to make sense of context clues. He sighed, zooming in on the page number and eventually realizing that Dimitri was trying to tell him that he was reading.

“I hope you’re enjoying the book. Have you eaten yet?” Dedue replied. He held onto his phone He wished that he could rationalize waiting until Dimitri replied before he continued to work. He decided to set it on the desk, forcing himself to go through his notes.

It took nearly an hour, but Dimitri eventually replied. He sent a photo, the image equally blurry. Dedue sighed as he tried to focus on the image, realizing that he was looking at a photo of a bowl of dry cereal, his book next to it. 

At least it was a pretty positive update. The ones that followed were, as well. It was more than enough for Dedue to focus on his work.

He felt his phone vibrate toward the end of his day, expecting that he was going to get another blurry photo from Dimitri. Instead, he received a text message from his friend, Mercedes, who was asking if he was interested in meeting up for dinner sometime that week.

Dedue lowered his phone, staring at the plants in front of him. He focused on one leaf so much, his vision getting distorted. He met Mercedes within the first few months that Dimitri disappeared. While he typically closed himself off toward people, Mercedes was persistent, trying to give him space to speak through cups of tea and encouraging words. He knew he didn’t tell her everything, but she was closer than most.

He cleaned up for the day, making sure that everything was where it needed to be for him to have a more productive day tomorrow. He left the building, walking through the industrial area until he found a bench toward the beginning of some green space. He took a seat and called Mercedes, waiting for her to pick up.

Mercedes picked up after two rings, shuffling around until she said, “Thank you for getting back to me. Is everything all right?”

“Yeah,” Dedue said. He took a deep breath. “Uh, I have a bit of a life update, if you… would like to hear?”

“I would love to,” Mercedes said. 

Dedue took a deep breath. “So,” he said, tapping his fingers against the metal arm of the bench, “Do you remember the, uh. High school boyfriend I had that… disappeared.”

“Of course,” Mercedes replied, “I know my memory isn’t the best, but I try not to forget something like that.”

“Well… we’ve reconnected,” Dedue said, “He… he’s struggling a bit, but I’m trying to help him get back of his feet. So if i was to potentially spend time with you, I might… have to bring him?” He shook his head, even though he knew Mercedes couldn’t see. “No. I mean. I would like to bring him. If that’s alright with you.”

“Oh my,” Mercedes said, her voice somehow breathier than it usually was. “I would be honored. How does it feel having him back?”

Dedue truly considered the question. He thought about how he spent so much of the day full of fear, even if Dimitri was trying to do what he could reassure him. He watched a car whip past before he said, “I… don’t know just yet,” he admitted, “But I’m glad I took him in.”

“Then that’s what matters for now,” Mercedes replied. “I look forward to meeting him. If he’s comfortable meeting me, of course.”

“I will definitely see,” he replied.

The phone call ended around then. Dedue rubbed his face, deciding that he didn’t want to wait any longer before he asked Dimitri. He decided to try to video message Dimitri, mostly curious to see if he would respond.

Dimitri answered, an image of him sitting on the deck appearing. He looked washed out from the sunlight, the harshness of his features smoothed out.

Dedue couldn’t help but stare until Dimitri tentatively asked, “Is everything all right?”

“Oh, yes,” Dedue said, “Sorry. I wanted to ask something before I started walking home.”

Dimitri stared at him. Dedue couldn’t believe that he could hold such a powerful gaze through a camera.

“I have a good friend of mine that would like to potentially meet you,” Dedue explained. “Mercedes. I can show you photos of her when I get back. She’s someone who means a lot to me and I think it would be nice to have dinner with her.”

Dimitri brought his hand to his hair, pushing his bangs out of his face only to have them fall back. “You’re certain?” he asked.

“Yes,” Dedue replied.

Dimitri tried to push his bangs back again. He looked away from the camera, his eyebrows furrowing. “I… I don’t know if I’m ready to see people yet,” he said softly, “I’m just trying to… trying to get better as quickly as possible so I can leave you alone.”

“What?” Dedue asked. He shook his head. “No, no… I want you to feel better, but I don’t want you leaving again. I would love you to… feel settled here.”

“You’ve already done so much for me,” Dimitri whispered. He slowly focused back on the camera. “I… I can go if it will make you happy, though.”

“Thank you,” Dedue replied, “I appreciate it.” The two of them stared at each other through the camera. Dedue glanced at his own reflection, fearful that he was coming off like he was scowling.

“I’ll see you soon,” Dimitri said. He hung up before Dedue could respond.

*

Dimitri didn’t realize how little he cared about his clothes until he was facing Dedue’s mirror.

He wasn’t used to having to consider how people perceived him. A week ago it was something he never had to worry about. But one phone call and a lengthy car ride later, he had to worry about it, not just for himself, but for Ashe and Dedue.

He removed his shirt, wincing when he saw a flash of skin and scar tissue. He immediately turned around, grabbing the other shirt he was changing into. He tossed it on and turned around again, frowning when he realized there was a visible hole in the armpit area. He screwed up his face, feeling a prickle in the corner of his eye. 

“You okay in there?” Dedue asked on the other side of the door. Dimitri had no idea how he was still able to read him like this, even if he didn’t have a visual. 

“I don’t have anything to wear,” Dimitri admitted.

“Oh, well that’s easy to resolve,” Dedue said. “Can I come in?”

Dimitri checked his clothes and nodded. “Yes, that’s fine,” he said.

Dedue opened the door, walking toward his dresser. He grabbed a shirt and tugged a cardigan out of his closet. “It’ll be a little big, but I’m hoping it’ll look intentional,” Dedue explained. He passed the clothes over toward Dimitri, walking toward the door. 

Dimitri watched him, wondering if he was going to leave. He wondered if Dedue longed for what they had in high school. There was such an ease between the two of them, even when they were struggling with so much. Dimitri grabbed the hem of his shirt and shook his head. “Could… could you step outside,” he whispered.

“Of course,” Dedue said. He opened the door and left. Dimitri held his breath, wondering if he would hear some kind of complaint outside the door. It never came.

He put on the shirt and cardigan, checking his reflection. He found himself tempted to push the sleeves of the cardigan up, but he caught his hand each time. He didn’t want to draw attention to himself today. He was certain that he was able to hide the marks of his body from Ashe and Dedue since he arrived and he was hopeful he could keep them hidden for the entirety of his time here. 

He opened up the door. He saw that Dedue had been waiting and he brought his arms to his sides, taking a deep breath.

“Let me see,” Dedue said softly. He imitated opening up his arms and Dimitri followed it, watching the fabric of the cardigan fall around him. 

“I’m swimming in it,” Dimitri mumbled.

“It’s not too bad,” Dedue replied, “We can get you something like this that’s a better fit soon. If this is what you like.”

Dimitri looked down at the cardigan. He shrugged, shoving his hands in the pocket of the cardigan. “I don’t know,” he admitted.

He couldn’t remember the last time that he even thought about what he was wearing beyond that it could cover him. He started wearing hoodies in middle school to conceal how his body was changing and he never really found an alternative that made sense to him. 

“Well, we can figure it out,” Dedue said, his tone light. “Can you clean off the coffee table while Ashe and I finish up with the food?” 

He nodded, making his way over toward the living room. He was relieved that Dedue didn’t try to ask him to help him with cooking. He could boil water or whatever tasks were needed to survive meal to meal, but he knew that there was no way he could adequately season any of it. At least he could clean off a table. He put the books away on the shelves behind the couch and brought the scattered cups toward the kitchen. He cleaned them before putting them on the dish rack, ready to tuck himself into the living room when Ashe flagged him over.

“Can you just come here for a second?” he asked, “I need someone else to taste this dip I made…”

“Uh, I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask,” Dimitri said.

“I can always taste it,” Dedue suggested.

“I mean, the more input the better, right?” Ashe asked.

Dedue looked ready to throw himself between the two of them. Dimitri waved his hand, saying “My input would be quite useless, I’m afraid. I can’t taste.”

Ashe nearly dropped the tasting spoon, the sound dulled by whatever dip he appeared to be making. “Oh, I’m so sorry!” he exclaimed, “I… I had no idea.”

“I appreciate that you wanted my feedback,” Dimitri replied. He smiled weakly at him before he turned on his heel, grimacing as he returned to the living room to finish up cleaning off the coffee table.

He could hear Ashe murmuring something to Dedue, expertly muffling his voice so Dimitri couldn’t make it out. He continued to put things away, eventually flopping awkwardly on the couch and staring at the door as he waited for Mercedes to arrive. 

He ran his hand along the knit of his cardigan. He went enough times that the pads of his fingers began to burn from the touch. He hated that he couldn’t hide how his brain functioned. It was bad enough that he needed this level of generosity. But the fact that he was unable to be useful and go through a charade of making and sharing food stung far more than he anticipated. 

The doorbell rang and Dimitri was relieved that Dedue rushed to grab it. He opened up the door and confirmed it was Mercedes at the door. It sounded like they kissed each other’s cheeks and Dedue let her in.

Dimitri watched Mercedes carefully. She looked familiar Dimitri realized that he had seen her in a few of the photos that were set up throughout the apartment. Her smile was warm, complete with her closing her eyes and flashing her teeth before she said, “You must be Dimitri!”

The tone was fond. Excited, even. It didn’t make any sense. “I am. Are you Mercedes?”

“Why yes I am!” Her voice had an airy quality to it. He wondered if it was put on at first, causing him to scrunch his nose in response. She was either too polite or didn’t notice.

Dedue puttered around, trying to be a good hot and ask if she wanted anything to drink. Ashe came out of the kitchen with the snacks he was working on, setting them on the table before he leaned in and kissed her cheek. 

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to jump into any conversation. Dimitri hardly considered himself a conversationalist even when he was able to say he had friends. It was even more of a struggle now. It was obvious that Mercedes was close to Ashe and Dedue. They took polite bites of crostini before bringing up some craft project they had been working on or a conversation they had with another person Dimitri might have heard brought up in conversation, but still didn’t have much context to. 

Dedue at some point pushed a plate toward him and he remembered that he hadn’t really eaten yet. He grabbed some of the crostini and tried to take as quiet of bites as possible, the crunch providing some texture for him to appreciate.

“I’m sorry, I have to ask something, Dimitri,” Mercedes said. She blotted her lips with a napkin, her brown lipstick rubbing against it.

Dimitri tried to take another bite to buy himself some time. He swallowed too hard before he said, “Oh. Yes?”

“Do you have any idea what you want to do now that you’re here?” 

Dimitri looked down at his empty plate. He pressed the crumbs with his thumbs, watching them stick to his finger. He had been asked this question before. Mostly by therapists. They would try to frame it as gently as they could, but it always came back to how he should have a goal of some sort.

Even then, Dimitri wasn’t sure. He had assumed that he would be dead by now. How was he supposed to know what he wanted when the thought of waking up every day was disorienting? 

“I just… I want to…” he started. His face screwed up and he stubbed his thumb into the middle of his plate. “I… I don’t know, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, it’s quite all right,” Mercedes said, “There’s nothing wrong with still figuring it out.”

“M… maybe,” Dimitri said. He bit the inside of his lip. 

“She’s right, though,” Dedue added.

“It’s true!” Ashe exclaimed, “You’re here to get back on your feet. Don’t worry.”

Dimitri took a deep breath. “Thank you,” he said, trying his best to sound polite. The words were too much, his eye beginning to water.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, “I need… I need a moment.”

He got up, hearing someone say “Take all the time you need.” He had no idea who it was, he was too busy throwing himself onto his bed to determine who.

*

Ashe could read Dedue pretty well. He lived with him long enough that he could pick up some of the more subtle reactions that he didn’t know about when they were just friends. He knew that Dedue tended to press his lips before he brought up an opposing viewpoint and that he got grouchy when he was tired. Ashe also knew that Dedue was incredibly stubborn and was not afraid to bump heads with him, so he better come in with the best arguments possible.

At this moment, they were staring at the schedule they laid out for the week. Dedue had two markers in his hand, one being Ashe’s color and the other being his own.

“You have to go to crafting this week,” Ashe said, his tone firm.

“I went last week,” Dedue said, “You can go.”

Ashe opened his mouth and closed it. In truth, he was at an impasse. He naturally wanted to make sure that Dedue had time away from the house and away from having to constantly worry about Dimitri.

But there was also a part of him that didn’t want to bring Dimitri to therapy again. He wanted to believe that he made progress with him since last week, but he could still hear his own voice in his head.

“You’re hesitating,” Dedue said. 

Ashe sighed. It was Dedue’s way of saying that he knew he was right. He was going to have to come up with something convincing quickly or he was going to get walled over by him. 

“I… I know you have some projects you wanted to finish up,” Ashe said. 

“I can finish them here,” Dedue pointed out. “I know taking Dimitri to therapy took a lot out of you last week.”

Dammit. Dedue tended to remember information well, but he only used it to attack if he felt that he was absolutely certain in his words. 

“It was just… I felt guilty having to raise my voice,” Ashe said, “That’s all.”

Dedue crossed his arms, the markers sticking out from his arm like spikes. “May I suggest a compromise?”

“Of course,” Ashe said.

“Let me take Dimitri to therapy.” Ashe opened his mouth and Dedue quickly added, “I’ll ask if Dimitri can join me so we can just come over when he’s done. His session should be much quicker this week.”

Ashe slowly nodded his head. 

“Does that sound reasonable?” Dedue asked.

Ashe knew that he couldn’t beat Dedue on this. The logic was too sound to contest.

“It does,” Ashe mumbled. He looked away as Dedue wrote out the craft meeting, alternating the colors to make it clear that the two of them were going to the event.

Even if the argument was perfect, Ashe didn’t feel great as he walked to Mercedes’s house, his crafting supplies under his arm. 

Mercedes let him in with smiles and kisses on the cheek. Her roommate, Annette, seemed to descend from the ceiling, appearing immediately to wrap him up into a hug. 

“Everybody’s in the living room,” Mercedes noted, “All the drinks in the fridge are fair game.”

Ashe was appreciative, taking a cider from it before he walked into the living room, waving at everybody. 

He wasn’t entirely certain when the idea of forming a crafting collective came from. It started as informal hang outs and then slowly concentrating on anybody who liked having the space to share their skills. 

Ashe was grateful. He couldn’t say that he had many friends growing up. He knew that people tried to connect with him. There were always classmates trying to invite him to birthday parties or asking him to stay with them at a club after school, but he had jobs to report to and siblings to take care of. It felt wrong that it took his twenties for him to begin to be able to do something so low stakes, but he knew that he shouldn’t beat himself up over these things. Even if he wanted to.

He sat down on the ground in front of a coffee table. He took out an embroidery project that Mercedes helped him start, lining up his embroidery floss in neat rows. He said hello to everybody, unable to prevent his short greetings from coming out of his mouth. He eventually murmured, “My apologies, I’m a bit tired.”

“Everything all right?” Annette asked as she sat on the couch behind him. 

“Oh, yes,” Ashe said, “Uh, I just… we have a guest that’s been staying over. Nothing wrong, just adjusting.”

That got everybody’s attention.

“A friend of Dedue’s?” Claude asked. He lifted his head from the table, where he appeared to be mixing some kind of drink. 

“Yes,” Ashe replied. 

That got everybody to turn their heads.

Ashe bit the inside of his lip. The only flaw to this friend group was the fact that they clearly preferred Dedue. He wasn’t sure if they were even aware that they were doing that. He knew that he was boring compared to him. Dedue was tall and handsome and was able to do everything Ashe could do, but in a more interesting way. It didn’t help that Dedue had no idea of any of it, making him still come off approachable.

“Is he at least, like, a fun guest?” Leonie asked. She was sitting next to Claude, working on something with a tin can as the base.

Ashe shrugged. He watched Mercedes enter the room. She was tight lipped, sitting down next to Annette and raising her eyebrows at her, but not saying anything to elaborate on her reaction.

“I mean, he’s… he’s on the mend,” Ashe replied.

“Ew, that sounds terrible. I’m _so_ sorry,” Hilda grumbled. Her sympathy appeared surface level, never looking up from her project, a pair of earrings she was in the process of assembling.

“It’s okay,” Ashe said, “It’s not terrible. It’s just a lot. But it won’t be that way forever.” He only knew Dimitri for a week and he still felt protective over him. As frustrated as he got by him, he could see how at odds Dimitri was with his own mind. He knew that if some people saw him react, they would dismiss it as him needing attention. But there was panic in his eye every time it happened. This was not someone who wanted to behave his way.

Even so, he knew that he had already said too much. He took a long sip of his cider, hoping that he had enough time from his last meal to ensure that he was a few sips away from the edges of his mind getting fuzzy enough to start enjoying his night.

“Hey, hey,” someone said. Ashe felt someone clap their hand on his shoulder and he turned around, spotting Dorothea hovering over him. He wasn’t even certain where she was positioned in the room prior, but he still appreciated seeing her.

“Oh, hello, Dorothea,” he said.

“Want to help me grab something from my car?” she asked.

Ashe knew an escape rope when he saw it. “Absolutely,” he said. He followed her outside, Dorothea only walking two steps away from the apartment before she turned toward him and said, “So what’s the deal? Dedue hasn’t told me anything about this, so what are you two hiding?”

“I’m not sure how much I can say,” Ashe admitted, “I mean… this person… definitely meant something to Dedue in the past. If that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Oh. An old flame?” she asked.

Ashe sputtered. He knew that Dorothea was a person who liked being direct, but he never was great at processing it when she aimed it at her. 

“Uh _huh_ ,” she said, “And let me guess, you haven’t told him how you feel.”

Ashe’s eyes went wide. He watched her, noting that her face hardly shifted toward curiosity. It was why he had told her about his feelings in the first place. She always knew when to drop the act that every piece of gossip was salacious.

“I haven’t,” Ashe said. He tucked his hair behind his ear. “I mean, I don’t even know if I was going to talk to him about it anytime soon, but… it’s certainly not happening now.”

“I mean. You think this guy is going to whisk him away?” Dorothea asked.

Ashe’s hand froze behind his ear. He didn’t want to be jealous of Dimitri. He was lost and needed help. There was no need to think that Dedue saw him as anything but someone to take care of.

“No,” Ashe said, “I mean… I guess I don’t know.”

“That sounds a bit messy, A,” Dorothea noted.

“It is,” Ashe admitted. He nodded his head several times before he added, “Yeah, it absolutely is.”

Dorothea leaned in, hugging him close. She didn’t say anything, her hands carefully patting the back of his head. He burrowed into her shoulder, breathing in the rose perfume that she loved to wear. He only broke the embrace when he felt his phone vibrate. He stayed close to her as he checked to see that Dedue had sent him a text message.

 _We will be coming over in fifteen minutes_ was all Dedue said. Ashe sent a thumbs up, even as his eyes widened.

“What’s going on?” Dorothea asked.

“Uh, Dedue and… the person are coming over.”

“Is that a good thing?”

Ashe nodded. “Yeah, I’m surprised… they’re up for it, but. It could be really good for them.”

“Then I’m glad they’re coming.” Dorothea gestured toward the door. “We should start heading back. It’s going to be bad enough that I don’t have anything for us to pretend we were bringing in.”

They began to walk toward the door, Ashe stopping in front of it to turn toward Dorothea. “Can I say something else?”

“Of course,” Dorothea said.

“I… I’m worried. I don’t know how this person is going to handle meeting everybody. Just… try to be nice to him. I don’t really know what he’s been through, but I’m sure it’s a lot.”

“I can totally do that,” Dorothea replied. She flashed a smile and it was enough for Ashe to open the door and let them inside.

They returned to the apartment, everybody thankfully too engaged to ask why they came back empty-handed. Ashe mentioned that Dedue and Dimitri were coming, bracing himself in case someone asked him any questions. He must have kept his tone pleasant enough, because no one questioned him, even when he turned toward the door every time he heard a noise from its general direction. 

Ashe forgot to anticipate that Dedue had a key. The lock popped and his tall form entered first, passively tapping on the doorframe before he let it open wider to let Dimitri through.

Ashe craned his neck, inspecting Dimitri’s attire. He was in sweats, but they looked like they were different from the ones that he wore for most of the day. His hair was pulled back, Ashe wondering if Dedue had found a way to get close enough to him to do it himself.

Mercedes got up, greeting Dedue before she looked at Dimitri. Her smile faltered for a brief moment and Ashe found himself feeling bad for him. It wasn’t like Mercedes to be ruffled by people. She was very good at always having a smile and a consistent presence. Ashe wondered if Mercedes was not able to provide Dimitri that, then who would?

Dedue brought Dimitri around the group, Ashe trying to resist jumping up and joining in the introduction attempt. Dimitri was trying. He was repeating people’s names, asking what people were working on, even if his voice sounded a little stilted. Ashe felt like he was watching his siblings on the playground, hoping that someone was going to want to spend time with them.

Thankfully, this came in the form of Claude. He smiled as he spoke with Dimitri, tapping the empty chair next to him. Dimitri sat next to him, leaning in as Claude explained his mixology set up. It was enough for Dedue to finally leave Dimitri’s side, taking the spot next to Ashe on the couch.

“I’m so glad you made it,” Ashe said, “How did the night go?”

Dedue slowly nodded his head. “It… it took a bit to get him going, but he went. He seemed to be in a better headspace afterwards. It feels like a positive development.”

Ashe smiled gently at him, even if his chest was getting tight. He loved and hated this part of Dedue. He was always so considerate, doing whatever he could to help people. He couldn’t blame Dimitri for reaching out to him after all these years. If someone was going to try to get him out from the hole he was in, it was going to be Dedue. 

Dedue opened his mouth, stopping himself when Claude dragged his chair out and jumped up. “Hey, I totally forgot to announce it earlier, but I’m planning a party at my place next Saturday. The theme is leather and lace and you better dress up!”

“Oh that sounds like fun!” Annette exclaimed.

“I think I know just the outfit to wear,” Mercedes noted.

Claude turned toward Dimitri and said, “You’re totally invited, too. I’m not sure if parties are your thing, but if they are, I’d love to have you!”

Ashe immediately turned toward Dedue, unable to conceal his lip curling. Dedue lowered his eyes, taking a deep enough breath that Ashe could see every part of his body move. 

“Oh, I will try my best to come,” Dimitri said, his voice soft, but more melodic than it sounded since he arrived.

*

Dedue was surprised by how quickly the week went by. He went to work and found that Dimitri’s hourly check ins were slowly becoming rolling conversation between the two of them. When he got off work, he was excited to see Ashe and Dimitri, who were far more amicable this week. 

It finally felt like Dimitri was an active participant in the house. He no longer hid in Dedue’s bedroom. Instead, he was often foundsitting on a stool at the breakfast nook while Ashe or Dedue cooked or was content to continue to read through whatever appealed to him on the book shelf. 

Dedue was apprehensive to call it recovery. He knew that it took way more than an air mattress and a few therapy sessions to be able to stand with more confidence in the world. But for the first time since he locked eyes with him in the decrepit apartment at the beginning of the month.

“Do you two know the best place to get clothes?” Dimitri asked in the middle of dinner.

Dedue lowered his spoon, placing it carefully back in his bowl. “Oh, we have a couple places in the middle of town,” he said. “Are you thinking of getting anything in particular?” He couldn’t help but focus on the frayed pull strings of his hoodie. 

“Uh, I… don’t really have anything for Claude’s party,” Dimitri murmured.

“Oh, you want to dress up to the theme?” Ashe asked.

Dimitri nodded. “He keeps bothering me about it.”

Dedue raised his eyebrows. He knew that Dimitri was using his phone more often, but he forced himself to never attempt to look at his screen. A strange, uncomfortable anxiety twisted up in his stomach at the thought.

“Would you like to go shopping with us?” Ashe asked.

Dimitri opened his mouth and then quickly shook his head. “Oh, I mean, I assumed I would go when you two were at work.” He sighed and added, “I would keep messaging you, Dedue, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“That should be fine,” Dedue said. The coil continued to tighten uncomfortably in his stomach. Apparently Dimitri did not see their conversations as informally as he did. 

“I’m curious what you will select!” Ashe said, “Do you want to tell us your ideas?”

Dimitri clumsily mentioned some ideas. There was a theme to all of them. They kept his chest covered and preferably had long sleeves. Dedue slowly pushed through enough to converse, providing his own feedback. 

Dimitri was quiet about the topic until Saturday. The only reason that Dedue knew that Dimitri went to get something was when he sent a blurry selfie in front of a store and the bag that materialized by his mattress when Dedue came home from work the next day. 

At least Dedue had his own outfit selected. He felt a little embarrassed as he gently tugged his top on. He wasn’t entirely certain when he acquired a sheer lace halter top, but it felt like it was as good a time as ever to wear it. He felt a chill against his back, throwing a leather jacket on before he left his bedroom. Dimitri was already sitting on the couch, his hair pulled back to show off his pale neck.

Dedue lowered his head, realizing that he was wearing a crop top with a lace overlay under a black hoodie. It was strange seeing him expose that much skin. Dedue still found himself investigating it, wondering if he could find a scar or a mark that would explain anything regarding what he had been through the past five years.

Dedue looked at the pair of boots that was positioned with the rest of their shoes. He tilted his head back toward the bathroom, where he heard Ashe shuffling around. “Hey, did you get a new pair of boots?”

Ashe stepped out, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “Oh, those aren’t mine,” he said. “Uh, am I too exposed.”

Dedue realized that he was pointing at his own chest. Sure enough, he had several buttons undone, which was a bit uncharacteristic, but not unattractive.

“I’m wearing a leather jacket so I’m still on theme,” Ashe added.

“You look good,” Dedue replied. He turned toward Dimitri and said, “Wait, are those yours?”

“Yeah,” Dimitri replied, “Do they look okay?”

Dedue gulped. “I mean, yes,” he said, “They’re… different.” He didn’t add the years he knew Dimitri for wearing practical athletic shoes that were probably far more expensive than Dedue’s family would consider useful. “Granted, I suppose I look a bit different, myself.”

Dimitri finally looked up, his eyebrows raised. “Oh wow,” he said, “Uh… that… is certainly not what I was expecting.”

Dedue knew that he couldn’t argue with that logic. He couldn’t help but watch Dimitri’s eye and the way it seemed to stare at his chest a bit longer than he would expect. He swallowed down the temptation to smirk.

There was a strange part of him that didn’t mind Dimitri giving him this type of attention, even if he knew that he really shouldn’t seek it out. Dimitri was at best a former high school sweetheart and at worse, a man who was still working through incredible amounts of trauma that Dedue couldn’t even pretend he understood. But sometimes it was nice to be seen by someone, even if he felt that he was dressed a little ridiculously.

Ashe left the bathroom, announcing that he was ready to go before the three of them left the door. They walked toward the nearby train station, Dimitri quietly trailing behind Ashe and Deduce. The two of them pointed toward where he should buy a ticket and how to swipe it before walking through the turnstile. Ashe and Dedue found themselves rambling about the train system, how it really wasn’t that great, but Claude and his girlfriend Marianne conveniently lived on the same line. 

“Claude is also a bit… heavy handed with his drinks, so it’s probably best that we aren’t driving there,” Ashe admitted.

“I kind of assumed when he showed me the cocktails he was working on last week,” Dimitri said.

The train pulled up moments later, the three of them boarding. Dimitri took an open seat and Dedue found himself needing to grab the straphanger just over his head. He looked down at Dimitri, remembering the conversation they had about how Claude and he were apparently speaking with each other. “You two seem to be getting along very well,” he noted.

Dimitri nodded. “He’s very kind,” he said quietly, “He’s been helping me prepare by giving me information about some of the people attending.”

“Huh, that’s very nice of him,” Ashe said. He had settled toward a nearby pole, trying his best to face Dedue and Dimitri.

Dedue nodded. It didn’t seem entirely out of the ordinary for Claude, even if he wasn’t certain that he had specific evidence for it. Claude was known for being a bit boisterous. He liked to make a scene, whether it was through jokes or planning elaborate events. But there was always a moment that Dedue was certain that he could see through Claude’s persona. Claude would lower his head and say something incredibly kind in a soft voice or he would follow Dedue out into a room to make sure he was okay if he was overwhelmed. Perhaps it made perfect sense that he gravitated toward Dimitri.

Dedue guided Ashe and Dimitri off the train, the three of them leaving the station and walking two blocks over toward Claude’s apartment. They waited patiently for the door to unlock before they walked up to the second floor. Music and chatter could be heard behind the unlocked door.

“We don’t have to stay all night,” Ashe said. Dimitri scrunched up his nose, but Dedue knew that it was a reassurance to all three of them. It wasn’t like Ashe and Dedue were the types who enjoyed partying much.

“Let’s just see how it goes,” Dedue said. He gave Ashe a tight smile, relieved when Ashe didn’t interrogate him.

“Of course!” Ashe replied. He opened up the door and the sound hit them, several people turning toward them. Someone definitely recognized them, but Dedue was trying to readjust to the sound he didn’t quite know how to react.

At least it looked like people figured out how to follow the theme well enough. The leather jackets and lace sleeves were reassuring enough for Dedue that he didn’t look entirely ridiculous. 

“I think Claude and Marianne are in the kitchen,” Ashe noted.

“Oh, yeah, let’s go say hi,” Dedue said.

Dimitri nodded patiently as he trailed behind. Claude recognized them instantly, his eyes widening before he grabbed the hand of the girl next to him and brought her over. 

“Oh, you all are on theme!” Claude exclaimed, “Thank fuck! Oh, Dimirimi, this is Marianne.”

Marianne smiled clumsily before lowering her head and saying, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Dedue raised his eyebrows. It was strange seeing Marianne wanting to meet with someone. She tended to keep to herself, so elusive that Dedue couldn’t quite figure out how Claude and her relationship worked, let alone that it lasted as long as it did.

Dimitri appeared engaged with her, the two of them shifting away from Ashe, Claude, and Dedue to press themselves against the counter and begin to chat.

“Should we leave them alone?” Ashe asked.

“Marianne’s got this under control,” Claude said, punctuating his statement with a sip of his water. “I figured they would be a good match. Looks like I was right.” He lightly swirled the cup in his hand. “You two should just have fun. If anything comes up, we’ll grab you.”

Dedue looked up at Dimitri and Marianne again. There was a nearly comical height difference between the two of them, but Marianne appeared to be commanding the conversation. Even with the bags under her eyes and the hunch in her shoulders, she had a slight smile on her face.

“Drinks are on the island,” Claude said, gesturing toward the counter space behind him.

Ashe walked over, muttering, “Well, we _did_ take the train.” He passed Dedue a cup of wine with ease as if he knew it was exactly what he wanted. They quietly shuffled out of the kitchen, finding a space against the wall to lean on. 

“Uh, cheers,” Dedue said, clinking his plastic cup with Ashe’s.

Ashe bonked it back, smiling nervously. “I didn’t plan on spending time alone tonight. I’m glad.”

Dedue nodded. They didn’t really talk about how much Dimitri took up their space. It wasn’t that Dedue blamed him at all for it. As much as he didn’t love sharing his room for the first time since college, he understood that it was an inevitability. But even if Dimitri appeared to be outwardly doing better, he wasn’t particularly independent yet. Realistically, it may not happen for a long while.

“I feel like I haven’t properly thanked you for the past two weeks,” Dedue admitted. 

“You haven’t,” Ashe admitted, “But I understand. You have been focusing on Dimitri.”

Dedue winced. He appreciated Ashe’s honesty. It was a quality to him that he felt like many people forgot. They took Ashe at face value, as if his shining smile and calm demeanor meant that he was someone who could be walked over. And while he certainly showed kindness to others, it was conditional. Dedue just hoped that he wasn’t going to break it by the end of this.

It was going to take too many cups of wine for Dedue to feel comfortable at the party, but it seemed like there was enough for Ashe to begin to sway to the music. Dedue humored him, turning his body toward Ashe as he rocked his hips.

When Ashe downed his second cup, Dedue plucked it from his hands. “Should I get you a refill or water?”

“Both,” Ashe suggested.

“Good answer,” Dedue replied. He returned to the kitchen, realizing that Dimitri and Marianne were still at the same spot. Dimitri had his hand to his face, his sleeve pushed up the slightest bit.

Dedue couldn’t help but stare at his skin. A dark line ran along the center of his forearm. Dedue felt his stomach lurch and he quickly looked away, nearly crashing into the island for support.

He hated that he felt that way. He knew that it was probable that Dimitri had marks like that. Even if he wasn’t always deeply suicidal in high school, he was prone to lashing out on himself a variety of ways. 

He shakily poured Ashe more wine before ducking toward the refrigerator. He found another cup and filled it with water from the filter, quietly closing the door to make sure he didn’t draw attention to himself. He knew that he was supposed to be relieved. Yes, he struggled the past few years, but he was on the path to survival. And yet he still felt extraordinarily unsettled by the sight.

He was able to still get himself out of the kitchen, passing the cups to Ashe and watching him alternate between sips of wine and gulps of water. “Is Dimitri still talking with Marianne?”

Ashe’s words felt like they were only able to break through to Dedue after an uncomfortably long delay. He slowly nodded his head before he said, “Uh, yeah. They’re… they’re still talking.”

Ashe took a gulp from the wine this time. “Can I say something a little forward?” he asked.

“You always can,” Dedue said.

“What was it with you and Dimitri?” Ashe asked, “Yeah, you were high school boyfriends, but… it seems like it was a bit more than. Most people’s.”

Dedue breathed sharply into his nose. Memories flashed through his mind like lightbulbs in the dark room. There were moments of the two of them sitting in the back of a friend’s car, laughing because they couldn’t fit. He could feel the weight of Dimitri’s head against his as they found themselves struggling to sleep late at night. Dimitri’s eyes shone with tears as they watched a particularly upsetting movie. 

“He was my first love,” Dedue admitted. “I will always carry some form of feelings toward him.”

Ashe scrunched his nose, taking another gulp of wine before bringing the water to his lips. He took a sip and said, “I can’t say I’ve ever provided that much support toward my high school girlfriend.”

“It was intense,” Dedue added, “Like… we were there for each other during particularly difficult times. I know he’s the one that left, but if I didn’t say yes… it would have been like I was the one that abandoned him.”

“Maybe,” Ashe said, “I just… don’t want you to get lost in this whole thing. Okay?”

Dedue nodded. He plucked the water from Ashe and took a nervous sip. He wanted to push against the assumption. Perhaps he could provide some form of assurance that Ashe’s heart was in the right place, but it was unnecessary.

“I’m not trying to get back with him,” Dedue added, “I am just trying to make sure he’s able to stand on his own soon enough. And we can get back to our routines again.”

“Yeah,” Ashe said. 

His tone was too flat for Dedue to tolerate. “I mean it. You mean so much to me. I know I’m not the best at words, but… I will try my best to make this whole thing up to you when I can.”

“I would hope so,” Ashe said. He looked down at his cup of wine and Dedue felt his stomach drop.

“We can talk more about this after the party,” Dedue suggested, “I will… I don’t mind making time.” He wondered if it would be worth attempting after the party, but when Ashe finished his cup, he didn’t ask for more. Perhaps it was actually going to happen later on in the night.

It was easier to engage with the party after that, even if they left off on a talking point that was going to have to be completed later. Thankfully, Ashe did not appear to hold it against him. He chose to dance with Dedue when the song called for it and they talked to people they knew at the party, the two of them shocked that they were able to be engaged and not have to worry about Dimitri having a meltdown.

It was why he was so certain that even if he still cared deeply about Dimitri, his feelings were clearly anchored in the past. He wanted Dimitri to be able to enjoy his life and find someone who would be willing to be supportive of him and whatever his journey was going to have to look like. 

People began to leave the party and Ashe and Dedue took it as their cue to collect Dimitri from the kitchen. He had perched on the counter with Marianne, the two of them still not quite running out of talking points. The train was quieter as they made their way back home, Dimitri sitting at the chair with a soft smile on his face.

Dedue resisted asking him about it. He saw what he had to. Dimitri was able to befriend someone and was happy about it. There was a part of him that was nervous to inquire, if only to break the spell.

Once they got back, Dimitri said that he was tired, going to bed and leaving Ashe and Dedue standing in the living room together.

“It was a nice night,” Dedue noted. 

“It was.” Ashe tapped his head and said, “I sobered enough that I’m up for talking.”

Dedue nodded. Ashe led him to his room next door and Dedue followed, the two of them sitting on the edge of the bed. 

“I meant what I said earlier,” Dedue said softly, “You mean so much to me.”

Ashe smiled weakly. “I know you aren’t lying to me,” he said.

“But you don’t look particularly reassured by it,” Dedue noted.

Ashe sighed. “I mean, I’m not, but I know there isn’t much you can do about it.” 

Dedue leaned in toward him, Ashe making eye contact with him, frozen, but without fear in his eyes. 

“I just don’t want to be replaced or anything like that,” Ashe admitted, “I know it probably sounds ridiculous. We aren’t together. You aren’t dating him. But I still find myself worrying.”

“I can’t replace someone like you,” Dedue said. Something tugged in his chest and he couldn’t help but lean in, his lips hovering over Ashe’s before Ashe leaned in and kissed him. It was the reassurance Dedue needed to kiss back, placing his hand tentatively against Ashe’s chest. He broke the kiss whispering, “Is this okay?”

Ashe laughed, kissing him again. “Yes,” he said, “It’s absolutely okay.”

Dedue gulped, kissing him again and bracing himself as Ashe raised his hips and wrapped his legs around Dedue’s waist. The friction of the denim of their pants sent electricity through Dedue, gently unbuttoning Ashe’s shirt. He glanced at every point, waiting for Ashe to say yes or nod as he trailed his hand down Ashe’s stomach and stopped short at his belt buckle. Ashe nodded, hastily adding, “You can,” before Dedue undid his belt and slowly unzipped his pants. 

Dedue had given his fair share of handjobs at this point in his life. They were usually equally quick, his hand gripped as he started slow, carefully strategizing when to speed up or go slow. This time around, he found himself wanting to have Ashe savor it. He made eye contact with Ashe, trying to focus on his bright green eyes as he slowly stroked him. Ashe mewled softly, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against the crook of Dedue’s neck.

Dedue quickened his pace, feeling Ashe get harder in his hand. Ashe tried to muffle himself against Dedue’s skin, but it wasn’t enough.

The thought of Dimitri being in the room next to them crossed Dedue’s mind. He slowed down, about to reconsider what he was doing until Ashe said, “ _Faster_ ,” his voice thick with lust as he grabbed at Dedue’s waist. 

Dedue grabbed Ashe’s chin and kissed him, Ashe kissing him back. Ashe nipped at his lip as Dedue moved his hand faster. Ashe broke the kiss to gasp as he came, Dedue not even caring that it got on his stomach.

Ashe pulled away, smiling at him. Dedue tried to smile back, even though his mind began to race wondering if Dimitri heard them. 

*

Dimitri was one of the first to put himself down for things, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew he heard Ashe and Dedue moaning the night before. Dedue didn’t come back to the bedroom and Dimitri could only assume it was because he was sleeping with Ashe. 

So he was going to get up and eat something for breakfast. He opened up the fridge and grabbed two clementines, closing the door and walking outside. He sat on the ground, slowly unpeeling it. His therapist was trying to get him to do a skill that made him do one thing and focus on the task. Today he was going to slowly peel this clementine, pick it apart segment by segment, and pop each on in his mouth before he thought about anything else.

He was halfway through eating his first clementine when he heard the door slide open. He turned around and saw Dedue lifting his arm and squinting at the sunlight. He spotted Dimitri and shuffled over toward him, yawning. 

“Could I sit with you?” Dedue asked.

Dimitri chomped on his clementine. “Sure,” he said before he swallowed.

The two of them sat in silence, Dimitri continuing to eat segments of clementine. He decided that he could be a little selfish and avoid offering any of it to Dedue, even if he was looking at it. He finished his first clementine before he said, “You don’t have to apologize for last night. I’m happy for you both.”

Dedue turned away from him, taking a shaky breath. “You heard us?” he asked.

“I did,” Dimitri replied, “But… I’m happy for you.” 

Dedue tentatively turned toward him, his lips parted. It was tempting for Dimitri to look on in awe, but he resisted. He was proud of Dedue. If the party taught him anything, it was that Dedue had created a vibrant, beautiful life that extended well beyond their times in high school. In so many ways he was proud of Dedue, even if he wasn’t sure how he would come off if he said it.

Ashe was a good choice, even if Dimitri knew that there wasn’t any expectation for him to choose. Dimitri was here to heal. That was the expectation. He was not someone that was supposed to be desirable in any sense of the word. 

“Thank you for your happiness,” Dedue said, “This doesn’t change the fact that I plan on having you stay here until you get on your feet. Please don’t worry about that.”

“I suppose it’s good motivation for me to get a job,” Dimitri asked. He tried to make himself smile, but his mouth didn’t quite cooperate. “I can’t take advantage of your hospitality forever, right?”

Dedue winced. A part of Dimitri wanted to believe that it was Dedue’s way of telling him he didn’t want to leave. Even then, he knew that he wasn’t supposed to have these types of thoughts.

He also probably shouldn’t want someone back when he was the one who ruined everything in the first place.

He allowed himself to focus on finishing up the rest of his clementine segments before he said, “I have not properly apologized for… leaving you. I feel quite awful about it.”

“I kind of assumed you weren’t at the capacity to do that for a while. I wasn’t… begging you to or anything like that.”

“But I should,” Dimitri said, a bit more harsh than he wanted. “I was hurting, but that wasn’t an excuse to hurt you, as well. I should have at least told you that I was running away. You had every right to refuse to answer my call.”

Dedue took a deep breath. He picked at his cuticle, his face unreadable as he said, “It’s strange finally hearing you say that.”

“How so?” Dimitri asked.

Dedue separated his hands, tapping his fingers on the deck. “I had to accept that it was very possible I would never see you again. I had to spend so much time accepting that I was never going to receive an apology. It’s just… I was happy to help you, because it was the right thing to go. But I don’t know if I’ve truly grasped that _you_ are back.” He looked down at his feet, appearing absolutely enraptured by a nearby leaf. “I learned how to make a life outside of you. And while I would enjoy having you in it, I just… hope you can create your own.”

It was a closed door. Dimitri knew one when he heard it.

“Of course,” he said, his voice small enough to be swallowed up by the wind.

*

Ashe stopped short, unable to resist inspecting some daffodils. They were a cheerful yellow with orange centers, which were always a personal favorite combination. He took a photo of the flower, sending it to his group chat with Dedue and Dimitri before he slipped it into his pocket and kept walking.

He figured he was not going to get a reply just yet. Dedue was probably at work in the lab and Dimitri was very particular about texting on the job. Last month, he got a job as a library page. He was obsessed with being the model employee, even though Ashe and Dedue didn’t have the heart to tell him that every other person who had the position prior was definitely a teenager who was texting more often than putting books away.

He arrived at the home and unlocked the door. He got himself comfortable on the couch, checking his phone and smiling when he saw that Dedue replied, thanking Ashe for sharing. Dimitri said that the flower was beautiful and that he was on his way home.

Ashe couldn’t remember being in a living arrangement that was so harmonious, especially given the start of the situation. It probably helped that Dimitri was hellbent on making himself useful. He wasn’t the best at chores and being a library page only really covered groceries, but Ashe was hopeful he would be able to keep working his way up to being more self-sufficient.

Ashe rested his eyes, only hastily sitting upright when he heard someone unlocking the door. Dimitri entered moments later, toeing out of his shoes before he shuffled toward the couch, sitting next to Ashe. Ashe readjusted himself on the couch, Dimitri wordlessly grabbing his legs and letting them fall on his lap. 

It probably helped that Ashe was just beginning to like whatever Dimitri was underneath the gloom that hung off of him. He was still painfully awkward, but it was in an endearing way that kept Ashe amused more often than not. 

“How was work?” Ashe asked.

Dimitri hugged Ashe’s legs a little tighter before he realized what he was doing. He quickly let go and huffed. “Oh, it was fine! I had to tell some kids to stop looking up some animated…” He pressed his lips together. “It was highly inappropriate.”

Ashe laughed softly. “I’m glad that you spoke to them about it. You can’t just let them run away with that.”

“I know,” Dimitri murmured. He leaned back on the couch, turning his body awkwardly toward the nearby hallway. “Pardon me for not checking the schedule myself, but do you and Dedue have a date night tonight?”

Ashe shook his head. “Tomorrow night,” he replied.

It was very possible that they were able to work because Dimitri seemed obsessed with making sure that Ashe and Dedue had space to themselves as a romantic relationship. It was strange having someone cheer for it emphatically, especially when it was a person that was his boyfriend’s high school sweetheart. But Ashe knew better than to assume his life would go in a conventional way and he was fine getting used to this dynamic.

Dimitri stayed in place, his neck craning even farther toward the hallway. 

“What’s on your mind?” Ashe asked.

“It’s getting nicer out,” Dimitri noted.

Ashe squinted. He still wasn’t used to this part of Dimitri. He seemed to constantly have conversations with himself. Dedue was far better at picking out the missing pieces, but Ashe still couldn’t figure it out. “It is,” Ashe replied tentatively.

“We could do something. If you’d like,” Dimitri said, “I… I think I could do a weekend trip. I was talking to my therapist about it.”

Ashe smiled. “I think that could be really nice,” he said, “Do you have anything in mind?”

“Uh… well, I don’t know if I could handle anything that’s. Super social. I’m sorry,” Dimitri said. He finally faced Ashe, though his eye couldn't quite meet him. “I guess it would have to be something with more solitude.”

“Well, there’s some things we can do if it’s more quiet,” Ashe said. He smiled, even though his mind was drawing a blank as to what activities he would like to do. “Uh, we can rent a cabin somewhere nice, I guess,” he said.

“We could go on a camping trip,” Dimitri replied. “I did it a bit when I was a kid.”

Ashe’s teeth grinded down. He wasn’t particularly enthused by the idea of camping. It reminded him too much of the stretches of time that he was having to scrounge together food and funds for his siblings before they were generously adopted back in middle school. He didn’t need luxury, but he was happy having a roof over his head that wasn’t a nylon tent.

Even then, he knew that this was the best option for Dimitri, given the limits that he was bringing up. As if on cue, the sound of someone unlocking the door happened again, this time Dedue entering the apartment. He took off his shoes and walked toward Ashe’s side, kissing him softly on the lips. 

“You both look like you’re scheming,” Dedue noticed.

“We were talking about potentially going camping,” Dimitri said.

“Yeah, maybe,” Ashe added.

Dedue sighed. “Have either of you ever gone camping?”

Ashe shook his head. Dimitri rubbed his hand behind his neck. “Uh, well, I did Girl Scout camp if you recall…”

Dedue snorted. “Great, so _I’m_ planning a camping trip. Got it.” He stood up and put his hands on his hips. “Maybe I can get home and grab some of our supplies… you two are absolutely ridiculous.”

Ashe glanced at Dimitri. When Dimitri smiled at him, he couldn’t help but laugh.

*

There was a memory that couldn’t quite leave Dedue’s mind recently.

It came and went, but it didn’t quite leave. 

It was the weekend before their high school graduation. Dimitri insisted that he was invited to a friend’s place, though Dedue was fairly certain that Dimitri was planning on dragging him and people knew that they were a package deal at this point. But even then, he wasn’t going to deny the chance to go to one of those older, meticulously landscape properties that Dimitri’s friends tended to live in. 

This one was especially luxurious. It had a pool house and a large heated pool. The two of them decided they should skinny dip and slipped outside, watching the steam rise over the water.

He was surprised that he had the courage to do such a thing. He may have been tall since middle school, but he always tried to take up as little space as possible. He collapsed over himself and tried to make sure that no one could see him for a myriad of reasons that he only began to make sense of years later. 

But Dimitri, at least this past version of Dimitri, always coaxed a different side of him. He could recognize that a lot of it was the uncomfortably typical codependency that high school relationships typically brought. But even after that reflection, he couldn’t deny that he appreciated how Dimitri pushed him.

In the dead of night, Dimitri appeared to glow blue under the bright lights of the pool. He was totally exposed, his hand glued on a scraped up patch of skin on his thigh. Dedue wasn’t stupid. He knew that Dimitri had the capacity to hurt himself, but he never knew what to do. If it kept Dimitri alive, then why should he pry? It was an assumption that haunted him in the present, but didn’t quite strike him in the moment.

What truly mattered to him in that moment was Dimitri leaning in and kissing him. The soft sound of their mouths moving against each other and the cocky, teenage mentality of being the only people alive in the world for that moment.

Right now, Dimitri was wearing layers of sweatshirts as he stared at the trunk of Ashe’s car. Ashe was juggling a collapsable tent, the two of them prattling on about if it would be secure or not. 

As much as Dedue could dismiss his memories as simple and pleasant, he knew better than to dream of the past. Even if his feelings toward Dimitri were unsettled, it was unfair to Ashe to allow those memories to consume him. He knew that he had something great and the last thing he wanted to do was ruin it.

Ashe and Dimitri appeared to come to a consensus regarding the layout of the trunk and the three of them hopped into the car. Dedue volunteered to drive first. It was a focused enough objective that he was able to keep his thoughts from wandering too far.

It probably didn’t help that Dimitri was truly doing better. Him being in treatment and having a job eased up a lot of stress as a home, but Dedue was also just enjoying spending time with this version of Dimitri. He was easier to talk to than he ever was, even when they were teenagers. He didn’t get so angry that he couldn’t speak. 

But maybe this is how it was always supposed to be. Maybe Dedue and Dimitri were meant to be older, wiser, and healed as friends. Dedue was fairly certain that he could live with that.

Even so, he focused on driving enough that he never offered to switch with Ashe. He was surprised to see the trees crowding over them, signs indicating the camp site arriving soon after. They parked and stumbled around trying to find the area they were supposed to put their tent down. 

Ashe and Dimitri claimed that they watched a video about putting up a tent and Dedue tried his best to resist laughing at them. Ashe and Dimitri appeared out of their depth, but they were trying to compensate by encouraging each other whenever they had a potential idea. The framework eventually took form, the two of them laying the outer shell over it before they approached Dedue. 

“Does it look all right?” Dimitri asked.

“We figured we should get approval before we put in the spikes,” Ashe added.

Dedue gave a thumbs up. “Great job, you two,” he said. “I’ll help you hammer.” The three of them finished up the last step, Dedue poking his head into the tent. “We didn’t bring an extra tent, did we?” he asked.

“No, this one said it should fit all three of us,” Dimitri said.

“Oh, I’m sure it did in the listing,” Dedue said, “I guess I’m just a little worried, because we’re a bit… tall. It might be tight. Are we all okay with that?”

“Oh!” Dimitri exclaimed, “I mean, I can sleep in the car if it’s an issue…”

“Don’t worry about that,” Ashe said, “I don’t have any problem being that close.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Dimitri said, “Uh, how do you feel, Dedue?”

Dedue froze in place. He stared at the two of them, pressing his lips together and trying to ignore that his mind immediately wandered toward how it would feel to have the two of them pressed up against him. 

“S… sure,” he said. He cleared his throat and said, “Uh, absolutely. Yes.”

Even if Dedue’s cheeks felt like they were perpetually warm for the rest of the day, they were able to slip into camping mode relatively quickly. Even if Ashe and Dimitri were inexperienced, they seemed to understand the enjoyment of disconnecting from the world for a bit. They chatted idly as they read books, all of which well loved used ones Dimitri got from the library. 

“Is this like your family’s camping trips?” Ashe asked at some point.

Dedue shook his head. “Oh, absolutely not,” he replied. He smiled when a smattering of memories returned to him. Most of them featured his little sister, who always was the least enthused about the trip, but always ended up in situations in which she fell in mud or accidentally walked into a sticker bush. “You two actually know how to be quiet,” he said.

Ashe grinned. Dimitri appeared to notably smile, even though he kept his eyes focused on the book. 

“I’m going to get dinner started,” Dedue said, “I can show you how the equipment works so you two can help with other meals.” 

Ashe and Dimitri joined him, asking questions as he got the burners turned on. The menu tonight was a camp staple of walking tacos. Dimitri opened up snack sized bags of Doritos. Dedue seasoned ground beef and put it in the pan before clunking it gently on the burner.

“So what’s the plan when it gets dark?” Dimitri asked, “Are we just supposed to go to sleep?”

Dedue sighed. “I mean, Ashe, you remembered to pack the handle of whiskey, yeah?”

“Oh, yes,” Ashe said, “Oh, is this just a get drunk at night type deal? I was hoping for something less… traditional.”

“I also shouldn’t drink that much,” Dimitri noted, “Uh, it’s a skill I’ve been learning.”

Dedue nodded. “Well, we definitely don’t have to do that. It’s okay.”

“There’s a river, right?” Ashe said, “Would it be safe enough to do a night swim?”

“I’ve already gone skinny dipping, if you’re trying to get us to do something more salacious,” Dedue said dryly.

Dimitri laughed, covering his mouth. “When did you…” he started.

“I mean, it’s a right of passage…” Dedue said. His throat felt too tight. He began clearing his throat repeatedly.

Dimitri’s blue eye became clouded. He nodded several times and said, “Right. I suppose it is.”

Ashe’s mouth opened and closed, but decided the best thing he could do was duck his head and open up a container of sour cream.

Ashe continued to stay quiet, setting up the taco fixings on a folding table they brought. Dimitri remained quiet, appearing a bit too reticent as he stared at the opened Dorito bags before he finally grabbed one and began to prepare it. 

The tension didn’t dissipate, even after they ate food. Even if Ashe was missing quite a bit of context, he seemed skilled enough to read between the lines and didn’t make any other jokes about the midnight swim. After reading by flashlight and idle chatter, they all decided that it was probably worth going to bed and getting up early to explore the area. 

“Are you certain that you want to share a tent with me?” Dimitri asked. His voice sounded like it was underused, Dedue realizing that he had been relatively monosyllabic for most of the night.

“Of course,” Ashe said.

Dedue looked at Dimitri and swore that he could see the aqua blue glow of a pool casted against his face for the briefest moment.

“Yes. Absolutely,” Dedue said. 

*

Dimitri tied his shoes, listening to Ashe and Dedue prattle on about supplies for the hike. He wasn’t entirely sure if they were going to need every bag of trail mix or an extra pair of socks, but he kept his commentary to himself. He accepted long ago that he wasn’t usually at the capacity to plan ahead for much of anything. 

Admittedly, he was nervous about his own mental capacity. He had been doing fairly well handling being in the wilderness from the comfort of their camp site, but there was always the unknown of them being deep in the woods. 

“We should get going!” Ashe exclaimed. Dimitri looked up and nodded, slowly pulling himself up and grabbing the bag Ashe and Dedue prepared for him. He trailed behind them, gently kicking at the dirt as he walked. The trail was marked with yellow spray paint on various trees, Ashe and Dedue gesturing toward them as they continued to walk.

It reminded Dimitri of camping when he was a kid. He used to be the type that was happy to lead the group. He had a far better memory back then. He liked learning about the plants and then ripping off fiddleheads and spearmint leaves, popping them in his mouth much to the dismay of his troop leader. 

Nowadays, he was far too cautious. He found himself wondering if any particularly shiny leaf was poison ivy and anything else he remembered from those days had eroded in his mind long ago. At least Ashe and Dedue didn’t know this version of him. There was no way they could miss this version of himself.

The ground became softer under his feet. When he turned toward one side, he noticed the shimmering water between the trees. 

“I think we’re getting near the waterfall,” Ashe said.

“Oh, there’s a waterfall,” Dimitri mumbled.

“Oh, yeah!” Ashe exclaimed, “I thought we mentioned that it was called the waterfall trail…”

Dimitri smiled nervously. He had no recollection, but he knew by now that Ashe was most likely trying to placate him. “Oh, my apologies. I suppose it slipped my mind,” he replied.

As they continued to walk, Dimitri could slowly pick up the sound of running water. It got progressively louder, the trees beginning to be spaced out enough that they could easily spot the built up rocks and the clear water falling against it.

“Oh, this is perfect,” Ashe said.

“Yeah, it’s why I wanted to make sure everybody had a change of clothes,” Dedue said.

Dimitri reached out behind him, pressing his hand against his backpack. Right. Of course. He should have known that they were not going to go to a waterfall just to look at it.

When he turned toward Ashe and Dedue, they were already beginning to remove their layers. He breathed in sharply, struggling to look away from them. 

Dedue waded into the water. Ashe followed him soon after, their heads just above the waterline. 

As much as he wanted to be happy about the growth he had made in the past few months, he couldn’t help but find himself frustrated that he was beginning to feel like a human again. There was comfort in being an aimless creature that could hardly articulate when he hungered, let alone was attracted to someone. But he was finding himself becoming progressively more enamored by both Ashe and Dedue and he desperately hoped that the feeling would pass.

“You should at least stick your feet in,” Dedue suggested.

Dimitri frowned, couching forward to untie his shoes. He toed his shoes off and rolled his socks down, cringing when he saw the pale scars that ran across them. He was certain that Ashe and Dedue knew about some of his scars by now. It was inevitable. He sometimes forgot to yank his sleeves down when either of them entered the room or his sweatpants rolled up when he laid across the couch. He couldn’t prove that they were disgusted by it, but he could only assume that they were uncomfortable.

He cuffed his pants and he glanced up at the two of them bobbing in the water. They were watching him, but there didn’t appear to be any distress in their eyes. He cuffed it another level, exposing more of his leg and watching them.

Ashe and Dedue appeared unbothered, Ashe splashing his hand along the surface. He splashed Dedue and Dedue sighed, splashing water toward him back.

Dimitri stood up, taking off his backpack and walking toward the edge of the water. He took a deep breath, checking the path to confirm that there was no one else around.

Part of him wanted to feel the water surround his body. He wasn’t particularly religious at this point in his life, but he wondered if he could actually feel like he was changing if he did something like that. He shakily grabbed the hem of his jacket.

“Dimitri, it’s okay…” Dedue started.

“No, I want to,” Dimitri snapped. He looked up and added, “Sorry… I just…”

Dedue nodded. “It’s all right. Take your time.”

Dimitri hesitantly unzipped his jacket, shrugging it off. He slowly removed each layer of clothing, letting them fall into the mud as he told himself that Ashe and Dedue meticulously packed a change of clothes. Ashe and Dedue made this camping trip possible, even though it originated from his half formed idea. 

He slid his sports bra and tugged his briefs down. He looked up at Ashe and Dedue and saw how they smiled at him. He slipped his eye patch off and he rushed into the water. He squawked when he slipped on a smooth rock, nearly face planting into the water. 

The water was so cold.

The water was invigorating.

He let it hold him until his lung began to burn. He raised his head toward the surface and took a deep gasp of air, pushing sheets of hair out from his eyes. He glanced over at Ashe and Dedue, who kept their distance, but still had smiles on their faces.

“Glad you could join us,” Ashe said, swimming closer to him. Somehow he looked even more handsome with pink cheeks and his hair slightly bedraggled.

“I’m glad I could be here,” Dimitri said. He laughed nervously when he saw Dedue swimming toward them. He was handsome in his own way, his hand hovering so close toward Dimitri’s arm, but never quite touching him.

He hated how much he wanted Dedue to, but he hoped that he could keep it together.

*

Ashe spotted the campsite and felt a sense of relief. As much as he did enjoy the hike and the swim halfway through, he was glad to know that they could successfully navigate back. They set up their chairs again, everybody falling into them.

Ashe tossed his head back, looking up at the sky. He hadn’t realized how much his feet would ache from the process. He remembered Dedue mentioning that his Vans were probably not the best choice and he was now understanding what he meant. 

He tilted his head forward again, seeing Dimitri try to criss cross his legs on the chair as Dedue stretched his lower back. 

“I can’t believe we made it,” Dimitri said. He ruffled his hand through his hair and smiled.

Ashe couldn’t help but purse his lips. There was something lighter about his smile than Ashe saw before. He couldn’t help but smile in return. 

“Honestly, you two kept up really well,” Dedue said, “We should try to find some trails that are closer to home.”

“Maybe,” Ashe said. He wasn’t sure if it was something that he would necessarily want to do every weekend, but he supposed that he could humor Dedue and go on a few.

Dimitri didn’t say anything, his hand to his mouth. He looked at Ashe and Dedue and then to his feet. 

Ashe opened his mouth to remind him to not pick at his lip, but Dimitri seemed to catch himself. He dropped his hand in his lap. 

“Something on your mind?” Dedue eventually asked.

Dimitri's face screwed up. He reached his hand toward his mouth again and he promptly slammed it back onto his lap.

“I just…” he started. He clenched his fist. “I appreciate that you want me to be part of everything. I… I care about you both so much. But I understand that you two probably want to have time alone and I want to respect that. I was going to talk to my therapist to make sure I can handle living alone and once I get cleared for it, I can get an apartment…”

“ _What_?” Ashe snapped. 

Dimitri turned toward him. The momentum in his mind crumbled. “Ashe, I thought this is what you wanted,” he murmured.

Ashe opened his mouth. It was true. He was prickly about the living arrangement, to a point that he all but demanded that it was temporary. Even if it was true that Dimitri could live on his own, Ashe couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t want it to happen. He liked waking up and having breakfast with him. He wanted to come home and chat idly with him before Dedue got back from work. The apartment wasn’t quite set up for three people, but he already had methods that he came up with to rearrange everything. 

“I mean, it was…” Ashe said, trying to choose each word carefully. “But… I mean. I like having you around. What do you think, Dedue?”

Dedue’s face was unnervingly unreadable. Ashe thought he was past slamming into walls like this. 

Dedue eventually said, “It’s been… a bit indescribable how it’s felt having you back in my life. But I’m glad to have you back into my life. I would be upset if you left.”

Dimitri smiled, turning to both of them before his lips pressed together. “I mean,” he said, “I… I appreciate hearing that. But I’m afraid I’m getting a bit too. Attached. To both of you.”

Ashe felt his heart pound. It felt loud enough that it made everything else sound muted. “H… have you?” he asked tentatively.

“I believe so,” Dimitri said, “And that’s not fair. I ruined my chances with Dedue when I left. And Ashe, you’ve done so much for me. I don't want you to have to deal with me any more than you already had…” He curled up in his chair, taking a deep breath. “It’s why I left the first time. I knew that I was just becoming this black hole… I craved attention, but I also wanted to destroy anyone’s goodwill. I had to leave.”

“But that doesn’t mean you have to leave again,” Dedue said, “Perhaps we needed space when we were teenagers, but we aren’t teenagers anymore, Dimitri. You are not a black hole or whatever you think you are. I would rather find a new apartment than have you leave.”

Ashe listened to the words being shared by all of them and all he could sense was a weight. It was a careful, loving one, but it rounded out their words. 

He got up, taking several steps from his chair to Dimitri’s. He tentatively reached out toward him, his hand hovering over Dimitri’s heard. Dimitri leaned in toward his touch and he began carding his fingers through Dimitri’s hair and smiled at how soft it felt. 

Ashe turned toward Dedue, who was standing close by. He reached out toward Dedue and was happy when Dedue laced his fingers with his. 

Dimitri looked up at Ashe, his lips parted. Ashe slid his hand toward the back of Dimitri’s neck. He felt Dedue squeeze his other hand and he turned to see Dedue watching. It was an invitation.

“Could I kiss you, Dimitri?” Ashe asked.

“Is… is that… are you both sure of that?” Dimitri sputtered.

“I’m sure,” Dedue said.

It was the confirmation Ashe needed to lean in and kiss him gently on the lips. He leaned in for another kiss, Dimitri kissing clumsily back the second time. Dedue let go of Ashe’s hand and Ashe used it to anchor himself on Dimitri’s shoulder before he slid into his lap. Dimitri grabbed at him, his kisses becoming hungry. Ashe couldn’t help but smile, excited that someone who was stumbling over his words was suddenly longing for him. 

“Could we go to the tent?” Dedue asked, his tone breathy.

Ashe broke the kiss with Dimitri to smile. “Yes, please,” he said. He slid off Dimitri’s lap and leaned forward, offering his hand. Dimitri grabbed it, using it to help himself up. He pressed himself against Ashe and it took everything within himself to continue to kiss him right there. Instead he led Dedue and Dimitri toward the tent, the three of them eagerly fitting themselves when they were inside.

“We should talk about this,” Dimitri said. 

Ashe wanted to kiss him and distract him, but he resisted. “Yeah, sure,” he said.

“I think I can handle this, but just… understand it’s been awhile,” Dimitri replied. “I’ll take off my clothes, but just… don’t focus too much on my body. It’s been a long time since I’ve had people look at it.”

“That works for us,” Dedue said.

“We should also probably talk about this more later,” Dimitri added.

“I know. We will,” Dedue replied. He flashed a confident smile that made Ashe’s cheeks heat up. 

Dimitri grinned, crawling toward Dedue and kissing him. They rested their foreheads together before Dimitri left another quick kiss on his lips and grabbed Ashe’s shoulders. Ashe slotted himself between Dedue and Dimitri, shuddering when he felt Dedue push his hair toward one shoulder as Dimitri left a wet kiss against his neck.

There was a division in Dedue and Dimitri’s technique that Ashe found himself obsessively keeping track of. Dedue’s hands moved against his body expertly, so familiar with his clothes that he knew exactly where each zipper and button was as he removed his layers. Dimitri was clumsy, but earnest. His kisses were wet and had too much teeth at times, but he was receptive toward feedback if Ashe was able to give it. He became shy when Ashe would try to remove layers of clothes, but he still went through with it, keeping up with Ashe and Dedue until all three of them were naked.

“Sit on me,” Dimitri whispered in Ashe’s ear. He stopped, immediately stammering with, “If you would like, of course…”

Ashe laughed softly. “I would love to,” he said, delighted to see the flashes of Dimitri’s capacity in a sexual context. He shifted toward the side, giving space for Dimitri to lie down before Ashe straddled him. 

Ashe turned toward Dedue. “How do you want to join us?” he asked.

Dedue rubbed his chin as if he was inspecting a frame being set up straight. “Dimitri, would it be okay if I… uh…”

“Oh, you could fuck me if you want,” Dimitri said.

Ashe and Dedue stared at each other, their eyes wide. 

“Understood,” Dedue eventually murmured, grabbing his bag and rummaging through before he found a condom. Ashe faced forward, helping Dimitri keep his head propped up before he took his own cock and pressed it against his lips. 

Dimitri smiled before he popped the head of Ashe’s length into his mouth, his tongue swirling around the slit. Ashe moaned, rocking his hips and bringing more of his cock into Dimitri’s mouth until he reached the back of his throat. Dedue kissed Ashe’s shoulder before there was a wet noise behind him.

“You get off on pleasuring people, Dimitri,” Dedue noted, “You’re so wet right now.”

Dimitri tried his best to nod his head before bobbing his head up and down. 

Ashe couldn’t resist leaning back to feel between Dimitri’s legs. Sure enough, his folds were wet and his clit was hard against the pads of his fingers. 

“You really do,” Ashe said, “What a wonderful thing.” He sat forward against Dimitri’s chest. 

Dedue shifted, his hands brushing against Ashe’s thighs as he grabbed Dimitri’s waist. Dimitri spread his legs as Dedue slotted against him.

Dimitri shifted under Ashe as Dedue thrusted and Ashe used it as a rhythm for his own thrusting. Dimitri tried to take more and more of his cock into his mouth, tears forming in the corner of his good eye. He was becoming so impassioned he was making slurping noises, only pausing to moan when Dedue hit just the right spot.

The entire time, Ashe could feel himself on the verge of coming. The present of Dimitri’s very willing mouth mingled with the slight envy that Dedue was able to pound into his wet entrance.

“I’m close,” Ashe said, brushing his hand against Dimitri’s cheek. “You don’t have to swallow…”

Dimitri flashed his eye toward Ashe and Ashe realized that he was determined to. The confidence was enough for Ashe to come moments later, in awe as Dimitri swallowed as much as he could with some trailing his lips as he gasped. Ashe slid off of Dimitri and played with Dimitri’s clit as Dedue continued to fuck him. Dedue came, grabbing Dimitri tightly. Ashe finished Dimitri off soon after, Dimitri sitting up and moaning against Ashe’s side during the process. 

The three of them stayed close together. Ashe felt the sweat cool against his chest as he held Dedue and Dimitri tight. 

No one said anything. In Ashe’s defense, he wasn’t sure what to say. There was so much that they were going to have to address when the glow of this moment was over. Even then, it didn’t feel particularly scary. Ashe cared about two people so much and they cared about him in return.

*

Dedue was content letting Ashe drive back home, wedging himself in the passenger seat in a way that he could see Ashe and Dimitri without straining his neck too much. 

The rest of the trip seemed so quiet after they decided to hook up. There was another hike and some more camp cooking, but it all seemed so small compared to the barriers that had came down between all of them. 

Dedue expected there to be a crash. A realization that there was some sort of wrongdoing. But the truth was that Dedue didn’t feel like he did anything wrong. His heart was with two people. Seeing as though Ashe was singing along to the playlist he was playing and Dimitri was sitting with a smile on his face, it was clear that the other two felt the same way.

They got on the highway, Dimitri clearing his throat.

“What’s up?” Ashe asked.

“I think I have to tell my therapist about this,” Dimitri admitted.

Dedue couldn’t stop himself from cracking up. He slammed his head against the window, braying uncharacteristically loud. Ashe joined in, laughing with enough control to stay driving. Dimitri apprehensively joined him, laughing in short bursts, the three of them not stopping until a minute or two passed. Dedue was surprised that there were tears in his eyes as he wiped them away.

“I’m being serious, though,” Dimitri said.

“I know you are,” Dedue said. “Take as much time as you need to process it.”

“Thank you,” Dimitri said. He grew quiet, his eyes focused on the windshield. “We also need to talk about all this.”

“We do,” Ashe agreed. “But I think we can manage it.”

Dedue nodded, watching Dimitri’s face relax. He nodded as well, saying, “Yeah. I think we can.”

His mind wandered toward a variety of possibilities. They included the three of them redecorating their apartment or maybe finding somewhere new. There were quiet nights together and celebrations with friends. Each possibility was new, half formed, and exhilarating.

This time, Dedue welcomed the tears as he began to cry.


End file.
